Cars

News, Reviews & Features

Review: Fast & Furious 9 is a bloodless blockbuster Scalextric

Movie Review | Ali Gray | 27th June 2021

Is there any point in bothering to review a film like Fast & Furious 9? Its very existence is a middle finger to anyone who genuinely considers themselves to be a 'film critic' - even its title feels like the sort of cute background gag you'd see in Back To The Future II, a sly crack at Hollywood's over-reliance on familiar formula. Let me rephrase my original question: is there any point in me bothering to review a film like Fast & Furious 9? The answer is yes, thank you very much, because I haven't reviewed a film since 2019 and I couldn't imagine booking an easier comeback gig. It's a big stupid target for someone like me to take cheap potshots at and at the same time feel good about myself for ultimately giving it a positive review, as per the will of the people. Everybody wins! Except the criminals.

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Review: Period. End of Sentence. is a so-so doc, necessary conversation starter

Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 1st March 2019

It's sometimes fun to imagine what aliens would make of our planet. What would they think of the huge green mass on the left committing a gross act of spiritual harm by putting a smaller orange mass in charge, for instance? Or the ones wearing bowler hats destroying their economy just because the neighbours are into Eurotrance? Madness. And pogs - what the fuck?! But probably the strangest thing to them would be seeing half the planet's population bleeding from their reproductive organs once a month as part of an essential species-prolonging biological function, and the other half going "ewww!" and repressing them since the beginning of time.

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Please enjoy this, shall we say, sideways look at the 2019 Academy Awards

Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 25th February 2019

I didn't watch the Oscars. Might as well admit that now, right off the bat. I have kids and I'm just coming off the back of an exhausting weekend in Peppa Pig World, so staying up all night to watch Bohemian Rhapsody win the award for Best Editing wasn't particularly high on my agenda if I'm being honest, nor would it have been if I was lucid. Come to think of it, I've never stayed up to watch the Oscars. Is that weird? I just really value my sleep. Besides, I have Twitter. I have the internet. I get it. I've seen the pictures. I'm familiar with the big talking points so I'm qualified to discuss them and cast a 'wry eye' over the night's proceedings, like Alan Coren or Doonesbury or some shit.

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20 reasons why, actually, a Popular Movie Oscar is a good thing, actually

Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 8th August 2018

Exciting news in the world of the Academy Awards, the most exciting academy awards there are!

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Cars 3

Movie Review | Matt Looker | 10th July 2017

As someone who has barely seen the first Cars, and who actively and selfishly steers his son away from knowing that a sequel even exists simply because I’ve heard it’s not very good, I am clearly not the best person on the Shiznit staff to review this film. No, that honour goes to Ali, who, for the past two years, has an unfinished article sitting in the site admin area entitled "What I've learned from Cars 2 after watching it 200 times". Yet, here I am, ready to impart my own unique viewpoint on the latest instalment of Pixar’s most-derided franchise. You ready? Here goes: It’s… alright?

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Fast & Furious 8

Movie Review | Ali Gray | 11th April 2017

The Fast & Furious franchise is not big on learning. It doesn't really care for consequences. It is of the moment. Always in the now. If it were a person, it would be the kind of person who sincerely believes in the motto 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'. Fast & Furious movies are wrongheaded and backwards but they don't care, because people vote with their wallets. They are Brexit. They are dumb. They make dumb look dumb. They are awful. They are brilliant. They are confusing and simple and ridiculous and serious all at the same time, somehow. Fast & Furious 8, a title and a number which give me great pleasure to say together, is all of these things and more.

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30 other Oscar slip-ups on the night that nobody noticed

Movie Feature | Ali Gray, Matt Looker, Becky Suter, Ed Williamson | 28th February 2017

The usually prestigious Academy Awards were reduced to farce earlier this week, when the wrong envelope was given to presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, who mistakenly announced the wrong movie as Best Picture. This titanic clusterfuck actually did the Oscars a favour, drawing attention away from these other 30 goofs that all happened on the night.

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If 2017's Oscar-nominated movie posters told the truth

Movie Feature | Ali Gray, Matt Looker, Neil Alcock, Becky Suter, Ed Williamson | 24th January 2017

The mainstream media is full of fake news. Hollywood is full of failing celebs, who don't even know me. If the big movies this Oscar season, which I hear are very overrated, told the truth, they'd look like this. Sad!

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Bollocks to theatre, says Rylance

Movie News | Ed Williamson | 29th February 2016

Newly crowned Oscar recipient Mark Rylance today told the theatre it could do one.

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28 things that other actors should now try to win an Oscar

Movie Feature | Matt Looker | 29th February 2016

Well done, Leo. After 25 years in the industry and 6 nominations, you have finally won an Oscar, and all it took was an epic feat of endurance, a disgusting loss of dignity and an entire internet's worth of pity.

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