By now you've probably already seen the teaser poster for Spectre, complained about how it's just a picture of a man standing up wearing clothes and moved on with your life. But did you really look at it? Because if you really look at it hard enough, so hard your eyes start to hurt, then you'll find a number of sexy secrets that you'll definitely want to share with your friends so the article goes viral.
Guests of the Academy - overwhelmingly white, overwhelmingly male - took their seats at the opulent Dolby Theater in California to witness the announcement of the nominations for the 77th Oscars. When they were over, they continued chewing on their steaks and clinking their champagne glasses, oblivious to the racism hanging heavy in the air: Ava DuVernay's astonishing drama Selma, a biopic of Martin Luther King, had been snubbed - proof positive once and for all that the Academy is institutionally racist.
Shut up everyone, the Oscar nominations have been announced! No one cares about your new haircut, Janice! As is customary around these parts, it's impossible for us to comment on a news item without making some sort of crudely Photoshopped picture, so we decided to make new posters for the nominees that tell you what you can really expect.
It's September, the month when Hollywood lets out a 30-day yawn. Denzel Washington's action thriller The Equalizer is probably the largest studio release this month, but you wouldn't know it to look at its posters: a series of eight one-sheets that feature Denzel Washington, your dad's clothes, a gun and no excitement whatsoever. Can it hurry up and be Halloween soon please?