Look, here's the lovely new quad poster (large) for Mike Leigh's Oscar-botherer Mr Turner, in which Timothy Spall plays 19th century paint god JMW Turner.
You might think that splash of orange paint is an artistic statement, or perhaps a way of shielding young children from seeing Timothy Spall's monstrous visage, but we can exclusively reveal what Turner is painting in this poster. You won't believe your eyes.
We all know Bruce Willis stopped caring about his movies about two Die Hards ago, but he could at least have worn a shirt and tie for the poster shoot. The Prince gets minus poster points for the unnecessary helicopter and the mysterious sparks. Also because it looks like it was made in a lunch break. Which, coincidentally, is when Bruce Willis filmed his cameo.
Well, that certainly is an interesting and obtuse title for a film about a cycling rivalry seemingly between Phil Neville and Charlton Heston. Unless slaying the badger is what cyclists do to make road races more fun?
DreamWorks have released a new poster for How To Train Your Dragon 2 in which they've attempted to squeeze every single character - man and beast - onto a single one-sheet. The final composition seemed quite familiar to me so I decided to fire up Photoshop and fill in the blanks.
I would have thought Eastwood would have wanted a title treatment that said 'glitz and glamour' or 'rhythm and swing', not 'five dollar blowie from a tramp in an alley'. I can't identify the font, but I bet that's a forced italic - and I'm pretty sure that's a stock Photoshop pattern overlay. The little hole in the top loop of the 'B' is literally driving me fucking cuckoo. THIS IS MY CURSE.