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News, Reviews & Features-
Review: Jackass Forever is a healing balm for our bee-stung ballsack world
Movie Review | Matt Looker | 3rd February 2022
You may have noticed that film reviews, or indeed content of any kind, has been few and far between on the ridiculous pages of this site recently, but every now and then a film comes along that is so powerful, so commanding of the cultural zeitgeist, that it just simply can’t be ignored. This is that film. Jackass Forever is a movie that provides the relief we so desperately need following two years of global hardship. It’s a solution for the general societal malaise from which we’re all suffering. It might even hold the cure for the coronavirus itself. And all it took was a lot of dicks and balls getting hit, bitten, stung and punched.
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Pirates-related Paul McCartney puns that should have been taglines
Movie Feature | Matt Looker, Ali Gray, Ed Williamson | 28th June 2017
With all the fuss about Wonder Woman being an important step forward for feminism in cinema, and the current question of Disney curbing creative authorship on big studio projects, I really feel like some finer movie news is passing us by without enough comment. Like PAUL MCCARTNEY WAS IN PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, GUYS.
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The Book Of Henry
Movie Review | Matt Looker | 26th June 2017
If you haven't seen the Book Of Henry trailer, I urge you to watch it now. It shows a whimsical family drama about a genius kid looking after his mum and little brother, making them realise the value of real love until... FUCK Dean Norris is evil! Is he a killer? No time to find out because Naomi Watts is now running around with a sniper rifle! Clearly someone somewhere hasn't worked out how to properly market this film.
Except they have. They really have. This is the exact film of that trailer. -
28 things that other actors should now try to win an Oscar
Movie Feature | Matt Looker | 29th February 2016
Well done, Leo. After 25 years in the industry and 6 nominations, you have finally won an Oscar, and all it took was an epic feat of endurance, a disgusting loss of dignity and an entire internet's worth of pity.
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Star Wars IX to be filmed "a long time ago" and "in a galaxy far, far away"
Movie News | Matt Looker | 1st February 2016
Following on from director Colin Trevorrow's recent revelation that he wants to film Star Wars Episode IX "in space", he has also just announced that he plans to make the film "a long time ago" and "in a galaxy far, far away" making it unclear at the moment whether or not he can tell the difference between reality and fiction.
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The Revenant
Movie Review | Matt Looker | 25th January 2016
Poor Oscarless Leo. Just imagine the soul-crushing frustration that must come after enduring unimaginable feats of survival in the making of this film, only for everyone instead to talk about the (false) rumour that you get raped by a bear in it. Imagine having the fortitude of character to eat raw bison liver and climb inside a dead animal carcass for the sake of your art and then have all your efforts overshadowed by the collective public thinking that, at one point in the movie, a horny grizzly surprises you with a sexual ambush. And the worst part is, with all attention on that ridiculous story instead of Leo's dedication to his performance, it might actually cost him the Oscar. That bear might just end up fucking Leo after all.
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Jurassic World
Movie Review | Ali Gray | 11th June 2015
There is no escaping the fact that I can't write an unbiased review of a Jurassic Park movie. Jurassic Park is my Star Wars, my Lord Of The Rings - my formative moviegoing experience that opened my eyes to the wonder of cinema. I can never be too down on movies about rampaging dinosaurs; even a bad Jurassic Park movie - and there have been more of them than there have been good ones - is entertaining in its own way. But by any measure, whether you're a super-fan or a casual observer, Jurassic World knocks it out of the park: it's a shamelessly entertaining blockbuster that simultaneously pays homage to the original while putting a fresh coat of paint on the formula. If you're a Jurassic Park fan, Jurassic World is everything you want it to be - I'd even go as far as saying it's as good a Jurassic Park film, post Jurassic Park, that you could ever possibly expect.
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New Shiznit film critic Michael Owen reviews this week's new releases
Movie Feature | Michael Owen | 15th August 2014
The internet did a collective snigger today when a Guardian interview revealed footballer-turned-pundit Michael Owen had only ever seen five films in his life, including Jurassic Park, Ghost and Heat. Because I'm a die hard Liverpool fan and I'm always keen to expand the horizons of fledgling film fans, I asked Michael if he was up for watching and reviewing five of this week's new releases, doubling his total. Unbelievably, he said yes! I know! I'm still in shock! Take it away, Michael Owen!
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Review: The review of my review of I Give It A Year
Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 19th September 2013
A new website called Existimatum.com has launched which promises to rate and rank movie reviews - not the movies themselves, but the reviews of the movies. Their tagline is as lofty as their ideals: 'Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?' translates as 'Who watches the watchmen?' Which is hilarious, because the site reads like it was written by a spambot.
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Safety Not Guaranteed
Movie Review | Ed Williamson | 26th December 2012
If time travel is ever invented, the pioneers will travel back to 2012, watch a film or two and think what a bunch of mugs we all were. The mechanics are pretty realistic, they'll say, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks nothing like Bruce Willis. They might be charmed, though, by the quaint idea of there being such a thing as an independent film industry, and by Safety Not Guaranteed, which would charm anyone. Even a cyborg replicant hybrid, which is obviously what future-people will be.
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Recent Highlights
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Review: Jackass Forever is a healing balm for our bee-stung ballsack world
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Review: Black Widow adds shades of grey to the most interesting Avenger
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Review: Fast & Furious 9 is a bloodless blockbuster Scalextric
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Review: Wonder Woman 1984 is here to remind you about idiot nonsense cinema
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Review: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm arrives on time, but is it too little, or too much?
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Review: The Creator is high-end, low-tech sci-fi with middling ambitions
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Review: The Devil All The Time explores the root of good ol' American evil
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Review: I'm Thinking Of Ending Things is Kaufman at his most alienating
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Review: The Babysitter: Killer Queen is a sequel that's stuck in the past
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Review: The Peanut Butter Falcon is more than a silly nammm peanut butter
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Face The Music: The Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey soundtrack is most outstanding
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Review: Tenet once again shows that Christopher Nolan is ahead of his time
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Review: Project Power hits the right beats but offers nothing new
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Marvel's Cine-CHAT-ic Universe: Captain America: Civil War (2016)
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Review: Host is a techno-horror that dials up the scares
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