The Apprentice

News, Reviews & Features
  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 8 recap: "Don't Make an Exhibition of Yourself"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 21st November 2018

    I worked in an art gallery for a year or so. A guest at an event once asked me to order him a taxi, so I called a minicab, then when it turned up outside he obviously thought it was too downmarket and so pretended he didn't realise it was for him and continued to wait in the foyer. I let him sit and wait. He sat there for a good ten minutes before it drove away, then another five before he wandered over and asked whether his taxi was on its way. "Oh, you mean the minicab that was outside?" he said, feigning a puzzled look, when I told him it had just left. "I presumed that couldn't have been for me." And the moral of this story is that all art galleries should be burned down.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 7 recap: "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad Gardener's World"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 15th November 2018

    In many ways, good leadership is a lot like gardening. You need to plant seeds of ideas, nurture growth, and sometimes get your hands dirty. You need to trust the process, and have patience whilst rooting out weeds in order to flourish. Or if you’re Lord Sugar, just pour salt on the earth so that nothing beautiful can ever grow again.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 6 recap: "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 7th November 2018

    I'm happily watching the snooker on ITV4. It's an engrossing second-round match in the Champion of Champions tournament in which Kyren Wilson is opening up a confident lead over Judd Trump, and I'm nicely settled in after dinner and oh, what's this notification on my phone? Why, it's a Google Calendar reminder to OH SHIT I'VE GOT TO WATCH THE FUCKING APPRENTICE

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 5 recap: "A Load of Old Cobblers"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 2nd November 2018

    Sneakerfactory.net (the one-stop shop for all your shoe consultation needs) provides the basic steps into how to become a shoe designer; learn how to draw, go to a design school, get a shoe mentor, build a portfolio and read plenty of books. Or, just do it because a grumpy old millionaire has told you to do it in 24 hours, and oh, can you make the canapés for the launch event as well? What even is this any more?

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 4 recap: "Crotch Socks"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 25th October 2018

    I don't go to the gym. In a sense the street is my gym, but in another, more real sense, it's a street, down which I walk, not going into gyms, and eating Greggs ham and cheese pasties.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 3 recap: "Your Donuts Make Me Go Nuts"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 20th October 2018

    This week, a tricky technical leaves one contestant in tears when our amateur bakers are asked to create 2000 show-stopping doughnuts, despite the fact that their backgrounds range from digital marketing to tree surgery and absolutely nothing to do with running a pop-up bakery. As the heat rises, who will be Star Baker, who will leave the tent, and who’s got a soggy bottom? It’s The Great British Bake O-h hang on.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 2 recap: "Bad Boys, Ink"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 14th October 2018

    I noticed the other day that A Question of Sport is still on TV. Literally still being broadcast on televisions. So as much as I would've been delighted if The Apprentice had been cancelled this year, I suppose it's understandable it's further down the list.

  • The Apprentice: season 14, episode 1 recap: "Can You Do It Squid Pro Quo?"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 4th October 2018

    Theresa May was right - the British people need to know an end is in sight. 14 years of this and not even Alan's Twitter can bring down the behemoth that is The Apprentice. I'd take Lord Sugar's Racist World Cup over the next 12 weeks of more corporate cum dumpsters trying to flog pork sandwiches to a vegan cafe before being sent home in a black cab (Note: this is a lie).

  • The solid gold twats of The Apprentice 2018, in their own words

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 26th September 2018

    It's not business, it's war - or, more specifically, it's a bunch of bum-licking bellends in suits making bad analogies. Lord Alan Sugar is back to bark at more briefcase wankers, and I'm back to pass judgement because I've got nothing else better to do. Let's meet the contestants of the 2018 series of The Apprentice and hear from them in their own words!

  • The Apprentice: season 13, episode 12 recap: "Born a Gambling Man"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 1st February 2018

    Now I've finally got round to watching the last one because my Sky box had inched up to 97% and I needed a quick cull (cheerio, 12GB of Electric Dreams, but it was never going to happen), I can say without fear of contradiction that last year's Apprentice very definitely featured some people performing futile tasks in order to appease a crotchety old man, like when you have to go round your nan's and retune her digital radio because you "know about computers".