BATTLESHIP TRAILER DESERVES A HEADLINE OF ALL CAPITALS

It's an alien invasion... but in the ocean! Because water is earth's most precious resource or something! Either that or it's an excuse to sell toys. Either way, Liam Neeson's in it. And he's angry.
Please don't think I'm playing devil's advocate just for the sake of it, but this first trailer for Battleship - an 'adaptation' of the Hasbro board game that's basically just an alien invasion movie bearing its name - actually looks quite good fun. Certainly more fun than aimlessly reciting coordinates and placing pegs in a small plastic grid in a mock naval battle. I can't see fans of the board game getting up in arms, because they don't exist.

Seriously, who's losing face here? Lead actor Taylor Kitsch? With John Carter due in March, he's got a whole year of gawping at CGI to look forward to. Liam Neeson? His credibility set sail years ago. Brooklyn 'Double' Decker? Bound to be an improvement on Just Go With It. Rihanna? At least if she's acting, she's not singing. Everybody wins.

Am I right? There's even a bit where they play some DJ Shadow and it sounds like Liam Neeson is rapping over the beats. I hope you all replay it several times like I did. Let's take a closer look at some key scenes in the trailer, in a new breakdown I'm calling the 'trailer breakdown'.

Trailer breakdown



Look at Brooklyn Decker's lovely tits.



Look at Brooklyn Decker's lovely arse.
Hopefully I'll do another one of these trailer breakdowns again soon. Oh, and here's the poster if you're interested, which I know you are, otherwise you've stumbled onto this website by mistake. Prepare for the invasion of the GIANT DIAGONAL TYPEFACE.