Trailer

New Year's Eve aka the end of the Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon game

Ali

29th July 2011

Are you ready for Celebrigeddon?

New Year's Eve is proper shit, amiright? You get to go to the pub you'd usually go to, only you have to pay to get in, queue three deep at the bar, nestle under some fat guy's armpit all night and grease the palms of a drunken Iranian in an unlicenced minicab to drive you home the wrong way. Either that or you cry yourself to sleep after Jools Holland's Hootenanny. Thank Christ it only happens once a year.

New Year's Eve: The Movie, looks set to be even worse than New Year's Eve: The Night, if only because it seems to have no actual story, just rich, white celebrities pretending their bullshit problems matter. Watching the trailer is like living in a universe where Heat magazine is the Bible.



There are terrifying implications to New Year's Eve. The success of its forebear, Valentine's Day - an equally vacuous event-based shitfest - seems to suggest that you can sell any random collection of pointless short stories as long as you have enough famous people in them. New Year's Eve goes one better and quadruples the amount of celebrities involved.

Here's my specially constructed New Year's Eve Celebrigrid.



Robert De Niro AND Malcolm In The Middle? Sarah Jessica Parker AND Ice Cube? Hilary Swank rubbing shoulders with Zac Efron AND Til Schweiger? Yeah, this is officially Too Much Celebrity. Whenever a non-famous actor walks on screen, I'll feel compelled to lob popcorn and Coke bottles at the screen and scream obscenities until a beautiful celebrity appears.

Naturally, it also means the end of the Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon game, the fun, movie-based time-wasting device in which you have to mentally connect two tangentially unrelated actors by linking them via people they've co-starred with. New Year's Eve is basically God Mode for the Kevin Bacon game. Using it is an even bigger cheat than Ocean's 11/12/13.

The only way New Year's Eve could ruin the game any more would be to have a Kevin Bacon cameo, but that would be so meta, Earth would spin off its axis and when we all woke up, celebrities would be cleaning the streets and our mate Alan would be on the cover of Grazia.

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