Trailer

Trailer breakdown: you mess with Riddick, you lose

Luke

16th May 2013

Geddit? 'Riddick you lose', ridicul- ah what's the point. Here are a dozen and a bit sarcastic comments below some stills from the first trailer for the new Riddick film, Riddick, which stars Vin Diesel as Richard B. Riddick. I literally just found out that's his full name.


0:17 - Our first introduction to this new world is some sort of alien seagull. But whose hand is it looking over for chips?


0:24 - Ricky B., of course! I do like the Riddick character, but find it faintly ridiculous that no matter how stern he tries to make his face he always ends up looking like a pouting garden gnome looking for his rod.


0:31 - This guy looks a bit like Eric Roberts, so I can only presume they were after an 'Eric Roberts' type but thought he'd be too busy. They should've just asked.


0:32 - Is that some sort of machete for a leg? I really, really hope so. No film with a machete was ever bad.


0:33 - My First After Effects Drop Shadow. Man alive, Tobias Funke's sizzle reel is more realistic than some of this.


0:39 - Don't want to upset anyone but we don't really see Riddick's space dog for the rest of the trailer. They wouldn't, would they?


0:41 - Hoverbikes! No film with hoverbikes was ever bad either - they're motorbikes that can fly!


0:46 "Hi, my name is Ricky B. I like long walks on desolate planets, scowling with my top off, and sunsets because I can murder more effectively in the dark thanks to my weird eyes." - Riddick's rejected Match.com profile.


1:06 - No idea what's going on here. Are they dead? Being frozen? Being woken up? How many people are going to end up covered in white goop in this topless Vin Diesel movie?


1:08 - This is the band of bounty hunters sent to bounty hunt Riddick. It's barely worth speculating on who dies because we see Riddick kill most of them in the remainder of the trailer.


1:12 - This one has a gun that seems to fire dubstep. I hope he dies first.


1:48 - "Aww hells naw" is what this guy is probably thinking, a racist might say. Is David Twohy a racist? We could ask the black people in his films but they're all DEAD.


2:06 - More hoverbikes! Riddick's hoverbike is special though, because it can...


2:08 - ... fly in super-slow-motion whilst belting out dubstep! Riding a hoverbike that can fly in slow-motion is the only acceptable time to be hearing dubstep, fact.


2:15 - Oh yeah, the aliens. I guess these will show up and ruin everyone's day at some point. Some nice creature design going on here. I especially like the things that are like velociraptors with scorpion tales.


2:17 - Nothing to see here, move along...


2:18 - Riddick sure does end up under a lot of things in this trailer. Mainly men, but sometimes also aliens.


2:20 - I've been holding off from saying this since the beginning of the trailer for fear of seeming pervy, but for the love of God please can somebody get Katee Sackhoff a decent space bra? That thing pushing up and separating looks painful, and not at all practical for intergalactic bounty hunting. I'm just looking out for Women's Rights.
Great. Cool. So that's definitely a Riddick film. Check out the full trailer below, or you can scroll down a bit further and remind yourself of the time Vin Diesel went breakdancing on TV.



More:  Riddick  Vin Diesel
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