Latest TV News

Suggestions for returning TV stars

TV News | Kirsty Harrison | 14th September 2011

Eastenders are bringing the Wicks brothers back to kill off Pat. Or something. Nick Berry hasn't been in the show for about 80 years, and will "shake up the square", allegedly. Bit tasteless, considering there's just been an earthquake somewhere. We've thought of some other people who should be brought back to rejuvenate their old shows. NO SEGUE FOR YOU!

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Beverly Hills Cop Junior to be someone other than Donald Glover

TV News | Ed Williamson | 28th January 2013

This is Brandon T Jackson, who is not Donald Glover, but has been confirmed as the non-Donald-Glover-being star of CBS's forthcoming Glover-free Beverly Hills Cop TV series. Eddie Murphy will executive-produce in a Glover vacuum and occasionally reprise his role as Axel Foley, but will not play Donald Glover's father, by virtue of Donald Glover not being in it. Donald Glover was not available for comment, but Brandon T Jackson said some shit or other.

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Men sit at table in tantalising first-look House of Cards image

TV News | Ed Williamson | 2nd February 2016

Breaking new ground as ever, Netflix has today released this first look at House of Cards season four, confirming that all 13 episodes will consist of President Underwood talking to RoboCop at a table. The sixth will consist entirely of Frank's acerbic asides to camera, such as "Get a load of this bell-end!" It will then be all anyone talks about for a week because it's on Netflix.

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Noel Edmonds knows secrets of existence, is still game-show host

TV News | Ed Williamson | 5th August 2015

Noel Edmonds has revealed in an interview with the Daily Mirror that human beings do not in fact die, and are composed only of energy. The corporeal form is merely a host for this energy, which becomes "part of a massive, incomprehensible universal web of energy" on its expiration.

"There isn't such a thing as death, it's just departure," he confirmed. "You cannot die. It's been known for a very long time."

Meanwhile, sufferers worldwide breathed a sigh of relief as Edmonds assured them that Aids is not a problem at all.

"
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The biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it's not Aids, it's electro smog.

The Wi-Fi and all of the systems that we are introducing into our lives are destroying our own natural electro-magnetic fields. All you are is energy, remember that.
In full knowledge of the secrets of the cosmos and the meaning of existence, Edmonds continues to present a game show in which contestants open a series of red boxes.

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If he looks enough like a woman it's not gay, right?

TV News | Ed Williamson | 14th January 2012

Like, you've spent a load of money on drinks and taxis and stuff, and once you actually figure out he's a dude it's pretty late anyway, and if he looks and sounds enough like a woman it's OK, right? That's the code, isn't it guys? I'm asking for a friend.

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Seth MacFarlane reboots Family Guy, pretends it's Flintstones

TV News | Matt Looker | 19th May 2011

The Flintstones are coming back to the small screen under the guidance of Seth McFarlane! Just imagine how much gag mileage he'll get out of the word 'Bedrock'. Giggity.

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New Eastenders family to keep mainly to themselves

TV News | Ed Williamson | 24th April 2015

Eastenders today announced the arrival of new family the Lees, and confirmed that whatever big storylines are in store for them are largely irrelevant as they'll be conducted behind closed doors like most people's are.

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ITV2 mulls over further Olly Murs vehicles

TV News | Ed Williamson | 30th April 2012

With ratings for its documentary series Life on Murs falling, ITV2 has been considering options for a new format, according to a leaked memo.

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Cumber, Cumber, Cumber, Cumber ... BATCH!

TV News | Ed Williamson | 4th June 2011

favourite Benedict Cumberbatch is to star as Lion-O in a live-action Thundercats reboot. Not really - it's some First World War thing for HBO. But how else was I going to use that headline?

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Jambo still in things

TV News | Ed Williamson | 10th February 2016

Jambo is still in things, a promotional picture for Line of Duty season three has confirmed.

Kurt Benson was believed not to be in things as we went to press.

A spokesperson for Bazz FM said her client was unavailable for comment, leading to speculation that Bazz FM might be in things again soon, possibly a Taggart reboot.

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