News, Reviews & Features
  • Hans Zimmer's head could fall off at any moment

    Movie Feature | Neil | 29th August 2013

    We all love mad German composer Hans Zimmer for his excellent film scores such as Gladiator, Inception and Man Of Steel to name but Gladiator, Inception and Man Of Steel. But Hans hides a terrible secret. He may look happy in that picture above, but that's not happiness: it's relief, because he's just managed to stop his head falling off before the photo was taken.

  • Upstream Colour

    Movie Review | Neil | 28th August 2013

    The six of us who saw Primer, Shane Carruth's mind-splintering 2004 debut, have spent the past nine years a) trying to untangle its labyrinthine plot and b) waiting for his next film. We may be no closer to the former, but the latter is finally here, and if you thought Primer was baffling then prepare to set your baffle readiness condition to BAFCON 1, because Upstream Colour provokes weapons-grade bafflement of the most baffling order.

  • The BBC's Sound Of Cinema season will make your ears cum

    Movie Feature | Neil | 22nd August 2013

    A few weeks ago I went to the press launch of Sound Of Cinema, a forthcoming three-week season of programmes on the wireless and tellybox provided by the BBC, God bless 'em. In all honesty I should have brought this to your attention sooner but then they went and announced Peter Capaldi as the new Doctor and I decided I should catch up on the last four series having not seen them but let's face facts that's neither here nor there anyway where was I?

  • Win a Time Bandits Blu-ray encased in SOLID STEEL

    Movie Competition | Neil | 21st August 2013

    The time travel movie they're all talking about right now (after About Time) is about to be re-released on Blu-ray with oodles of new features and interviews, and your chance to win a limited edition steelbook containing that very Blu-ray is but a few words away. Can you feel the tension? I can. *parp*

  • Elysium

    Movie Review | Neil | 9th August 2013

    There is a point in Elysium when Matt Damon's character Max DeCosta suffers a massive dose of radiation in an accident in his workplace. At that moment the film looks like it could go one of two ways: either it's a lengthy commercial for a "no win, no fee" claims handler (don't do it Max, go to Citizens Advice), or it's a superhero origin story, and Damon is about to slip into some lycra and kill people with his granite-hard man boobs. You'll be unsurprised to read that Elysium is in fact neither, which is great for those of us who hate those ads, but less good for anyone who was hoping for MaxMan: Tits Of Thunder.

  • Only God Forgives

    Movie Review | Neil | 24th July 2013

    First things first: let's get all the Drive comparisons out of the way, shall we? 1. Ryan Gosling is in it. 2. Nicolas Winding Refn directs it. Good, that's that done. Now forget about Drive, because Only God Forgives is about as similar to that film as I am to Ryan Gosling. And despite what you may have heard, that is, alas, not at all.

  • Sir Patrick Stewart is one of us

    Movie Feature | Neil | 21st July 2013

    In a world of misery, poverty, hunger, war, despair and Shia LaBeouf, let's take a moment to be thankful for the magical things the human race can achieve with a camera phone, a Panama hat and a pan of rice.

  • Pacific Rim deleted scene shows ineffectual British Jaeger

    Movie Feature | Neil | 8th July 2013

    Tragically Britain's last line of defence against inter-dimensional monsters was destroyed in the Battle Of Hyde Park, but was heard to mutter "Kaiju, I was properly humbled" as it sank to the bottom of the Serpentine. (ITV)

  • A Field In England

    Movie Review | Neil | 4th July 2013

    I don't like mushrooms. Never have. I don't trust 'em. They taste weird, they look weird, they've got the texture of an internal organ and they're responsible for one of the worst puns ever. I therefore approached Ben Wheatley's new film, A Field In England, as some kind of aversion therapy. Perhaps the mushroom consumption for which the film is already known would persuade me that it's possible to eat a fungus and still have a good time? Sadly it didn't quite work out that way. I had a good time, but now not only am I terrified of mushrooms, I've also developed an unhealthy fear of fields, tents and Michael Smiley.

  • The Stone Roses: Made Of Stone

    Movie Review | Neil | 6th June 2013

    "This is the one, this is the one, this is the one / Oh, this is the one, this is the one I've waited for / Oh this is the one, oh this is the one, this is the one I've waited for / This is the one, oh this is the one, oh this is the one, this is the one I've waited for / This is the one, this is the one, this is the one, oh this is the one, this is the one I've waited for"
    - The Stone Roses, 'This Is The One'

    Makes you think, doesn't it?