14 movie romances that are actually incredibly creepy


1st August 2009

How many times have you been dragged to a romantic comedy only to realise something is very, very wrong with the whole concept? Time was, you'd agree to see a rom-com on the promise of sex, wait until the heroine realises her boyfriend is an asshole, then you'd take your girl home to show her what true love was really all about. (*chest bump*)

These days? Ideas are so scarce, rom-coms are now written by raging lunatics who have no clue how functioning relationships actually work. Amnesia? Robot rapists? Paedo-love? We've collected a grab-bag of the creepiest, most inappropriate, borderline illegal movie relationships from recent memory - and don't even think about pulling this shit in real life.

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in Twilight

What could possibly be creepy about a 108 year-old dude posing as a school student who hooks up with a 17 year-old girl? Ah right, it's because he's a vampire. In the Twilight books and movies, Edward's bloodlust is considered a little dangerous - should the pair kiss, let alone have sex, he could flip out and be tempted to drain Bella's blood like Madonna sucking the stem cells from a newborn foetus. Hmm... a dominant male who keeps his passive lover in check with threats of abhorrent violence? I hear wedding bells!

Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett in The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

David Fincher would have you believe this is a charming, heart-warming story about a man "born under unusual circumstances". You could say the same thing about Michael Jackson. Frankly, Fincher did well to play down the rampant pedophilic overtones in Benjamin Button. Not only do you have a kid trapped in a geriatric's body falling in love with a young girl, you have the opposite end of the scale - a geriatric woman caring for a baby she fucked senseless in her early years. That has to be illegal somewhere.


After pulling 700 years of garbage detail on his own, WALL-E has the robotic equivalent of watermelon balls - it's only natural that when lovely, sleek iPod-bot EVE touches down, WALL-E wants to defrag her hard drive. Eve, however, is having none of it - the girl's hard-coded to ignore his advances (10 NO 20 GO TO 10). But it's when EVE 'powers down' that WALL-E gets his kicks; acting like her man-bot and literally forcing her to hold his hand - and who knows what else. Sorry kids: WALL-E is a date rapist. Watch this video and tell us he's not a monster.

Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates

Adam Sandler + Drew Barrymore = winsome romance with comedy scrapes. A perfect formula, until you add mental illness into the equation. The premise is distinctly unhilarious: Sandler's halfwit is crushing on Barrymore's cutie when he discovers she suffers from short-term amnesia - she wakes up every morning forgetting who he is. The solution? Sandler basically kidnaps her, keeps her on a boat and repeatedly convinces her she loves him via a video message. It's a bit like Memento, but with more Rob Schneider and barfing walruses.

Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner in Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past

Does Matthew McConaughey deserve love? The jury's out in real life (I'd favour eternal hellfire instead, but that's just me) but this movie sees him attempt to snare true love Jennifer Garner by atoning for his past bad behaviour. Why? He's visited by the ghosts of girlfriends past! Genius concept! Of course, at no point does the movie mention the fact that three of Matt's old girlfriends are fucking DEAD. Get out while you can, Jenny; we've got a feeling he'll be wearing your skin and playing the bongos by the end of this movie.

Bill Murray and Andie Macdowell in Groundhog Day

Ah, that videogame staple: infinite lives. If you could have unlimited chances to woo the love of your life, no matter how many times you screwed up, you could try, try again until you won her heart. Or, to look at it another way, you could commit the most foul, obscene and depraved acts without ever facing consequence. It's what goes unseen in Groundhog Day that throws off a creepy vibe. Phil Connors tried being nice, he tried robbing banks, he even tried suicide - it makes you wonder, what other stuff did he practice? Hmm...

Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt in What Women Want

What Women Want, the rom-com from the man who brought you knockabout romp The Passion Of The Christ! The premise - that Gibbo gains the ability to read womens' minds after being zapped in the bathtub - is suitably wacky, but Mel's insistence on playing said mind-games to fuck whoever he likes is pretty reprehensible: would it still be cute if he was rifling through their diaries? Having witnessed the fury of a woman who's seen her email inbox infiltrated, I can confirm: chicks like their privacy. Especially chicks with sugar tits.

More:  Top10  Romance
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