Feature
20 reasons for Hollywood's worst summer in 20 years
Movie Feature
Ali Gray
8th September 2017
It's official: this summer was the worst summer for movies in over 20 years. Labor Day box-office receipts were down 45% compared to the same weekend in 2016, leaving analysts to declare summer 2017 a total cinematic washout. But why? I mean, obviously all the movies were terrible, but why really? We went in search of answers and by God, we found them.
No one willing to go into cinema for two hours in case civilisation outside collapsed while they'd been offline
Guy Ritchie movies now so unsuccessful they are making negative money
Tentative audiences stayed away from tentpole movies in case they found out they were part of the DC Cinematic Universe
Taylor Swift somehow to blame
The owners of the rotten old website that assigns a percentage to the critical consensus are meanies who won't play fair with the sensitive movie studios
Will Smith no longer writing upbeat rap songs for films he stars in
Audiences turned off by movies with complicated concepts like Monster Trucks and The Emoji Movie
Reviews made clear that Transformers: The Last Knight had a grasp on medieval history that was less-than scholarly
A female-fronted superhero movie ruined cinema forever meaning men are not allowed to enjoy films any more
Moviegoers attending Luc Besson's Valerian movie really hoping for a city more in the region of 1,500 planets, maybe 2,000 tops
Tom Cruise's reboot of The Mummy left audiences shellshocked at realisation that Brendan Fraser now considered the superior actor
Would-be punters uncomfortable at practice of Hollywood 'whitewashing' just wanted to enjoy Scarlett Johansson in a nude bodysuit and a nice uncomplicated erection
No Michael Haneke tentpole
Netflix increasingly hoovering up all the best movies at acquisition level, like all the ones that are about 29 shows deep on your Watchlist
Despite playful Harry Styles cameo, Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk was low on cheeky shenanigans and sorely lacked memorable pop anthem
American audiences steered clear of The Dark Tower due to similarities to 9/11, Sony assumes
Still not enough Marvel movies
Everyone flat out sick of the sight of Zac Efron's nipples, will him to put on a damn shirt
Turns out no one gives a shit about Power Rangers
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