5 potential sequels to Source Code


31st March 2011

With Source Code sure to be a big smash ("It's Groundhog Day meets Inception meets Quantum Leap meets Prince Of Persia!"), Duncan Jones had better start thinking about sequels. Think no further.

Note to Duncan Jones in the event he reads this: don't actually steal these ideas. They are terrible and are of humourous intent. Actively adapting them for the screen would be a huge error of judgement on your part.
Horse Code

CAPTAIN COLTER STEVENS leaps into the body of a jockey who is killed when an explosion at a racecourse slays dozens. Crammed into tiny trousers and a fruity little hat, Stevens slowly comes to realise that the bomb is inside his horse and is forced to masturbate it into an orgasmic frenzy so as to disarm it with science and save the innocent bystanders. Then he has to win the race before he has time to wash his hands.
Porsche Chode

CAPTAIN COLTER STEVENS leaps into the body of a sleazy asshole with too much money, in a future where the Source Code technology has become affordable to rich douchebags who need it to find and punish the people who scratched their cars. The final scene sees Stevens track down the perpetrator, who he runs over in a massively unwarranted act of revenge, before driving to Waitrose for lunch and parking in a handicap space.
Morse Code

CAPTAIN COLTER STEVENS leaps into the body of Samuel FB Morse, the inventor of primitive communications system Morse Code. Stevens must send out a message of monumental importance: he has to tell the guy who invented the carrier pigeon that BURRRN and that he totally banged his mum last night. Halfway through, Morse gets on a train that's about to explode and he has to find the bomb. Might need a redraft.
View Source Code

CAPTAIN COLTER STEVENS leaps into the body of a web design student whose untidy HTML and garish use of Flash eventually causes a fatal eye-strain in his professor. Himself unfamiliar with web coding, Stevens must brave looking at the hideous web page himself, right-click and select 'View Source', before correctly tabbing all of his rows and columns, removing the sparkly cursor and deleting any text surrounded by tags. Rated 18.
Norse Toad

CAPTAIN COLTER STEVENS leaps into the body of a Norse Toad. This one writes itself, really.

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