5 things worth waffling about on the Tintin poster

The Gods have spoken (albeit via the rather nerdy conduit of Empire Online), and handed down to us mere mortals the first official poster for The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn. We went exploring and uncovered five mysterious, er, mysteries...

Sorry to start on a downer, but what in the name of Captain Haddock's bearded balls is up with that alignment? JackBerg must be pretty smug with their creation if they're content to throw words at us willy-nilly like that.

Tintin and Snowy are both looking: but at what? Thomson and Thompson larking about? One of Prof. Calculus's experiments? Tintin's parents? If one thing can ruin Tintin it's father issues, so thank Christ they haven't hired a director wh... aww fuck.

Not 1, not 2, but 3 British names. Sure the big draws are an American and a New Zealander, but unless Jackson has been bench pressing between takes on the set of The Hobbit, we're clearing up in a straight fist fight.

Look in the background, and you'll immediately see a crashing plane and a ship on fire. Now look closely at the camels: they've got no riders - is anything in this movie under control? Snowy doesn't even have a leash! Has he been de-wormed?!

We put "Hergé" into an online translator and it didn't return any results. What does this strange and indecipherable word mean? Is it a red herring left out in the open to make fools of us all? Man alive just let me watch the damn thing already!!!1

Update: It has been pointed out in the comments that not only is the text aligned all weird, there's a most flagrant use of the word 'and' as well as an ampersand. Tintin And The Punctuation Terrorists, much? Even worse, the US teaser poster has a big ampersand, while us Brits have to suffer a tiny one. Ain't that always the way.