8 possible reasons Lynne Ramsay didn't show up to work


20th March 2013

We Need To Talk About Kevin director Lynne Ramsay has shocked Hollywood by throwing in the towel on the first day of shooting on her new movie, Jane Got A Gun. Until we learn the truth, let's speculate exactly why she quit, using crudely Photoshopped images.

It's not unheard of for an attached director to jump ship while a movie is in pre-production, nor is it a rarity for filmmakers to be taken off the project mid-shoot. Lynne Ramsay, however, has broken new ground: she's possibly the first director to not bother showing up on the first day of shooting, leaving cast and crew baffled as to her not-being-there attitude. Deadline have the full story, and use words like "SHOCKER" and "CRISIS".

So, as it stands, Ramsay's western Jane Got A Gun has no director. It still has a cast, including Natalie Portman, Joel Edgerton and Jude Law (replacing Michael Fassbender, who at least had the grace to duck out a few weeks before shooting began) but at the time of press, they were just aimlessly shambling around the set, occasionally bumping into each other, mumbling their lines and acting in the wrong direction.

Why did Ramsay bail? Here are our best guesses as to her excuse, brought to you via the medium of having too much time on our hands.
Got caught up in a Netflix Breaking Bad marathon

Got lost on way to set, too proud to ask for directions

Still sleeping off massive St Patrick's Day hangover

Forgot she hated Natalie Portman

Genuinely couldn't find keys

Fell down a manhole

Still waiting for taxi, which is "just around the corner"

Just couldn't be arsed

Either that, or some asshole studio executive producer treated her like shit and compromised her artistic integrity to such a degree she couldn't degrade herself by shooting a film she didn't feel creatively fulfilled by. Here ends this hilarious feature!

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