A Sneak Preview Of Jackass 3


20th October 2006

With the low-brow antics of Jackass: Number Two lowering IQs around the world, Johnny Knoxville and friends haven't wasted any time in embarking on yet another sequel. As our exclusive set visit shows, this time they're raising the bar even higher when it comes to life-endangering stunts and puerile behaviour. The following stunts and pranks were all witnessed first-hand by our reporter.

- In the middle of the scorching African savannah, a blindfolded Johnny Knoxville sneaks up on an African lion in the throws of mating passion and attempts to negotiate a threesome while coated in tiger semen. The stunt was originally planned to feature Paris Hilton instead of the lion, but was deemed too dangerous.

- The gang gather round a table and play Russian roulette with Aids-infected crack needles. Steve-O unfortunately contracts the killer disease, but in a hilarious twist, Bam Margera steals his treatment fund and uses it to buy a gigantic penis statue with 'Steve-O is a fag' written on it, and erects it in his parents' front yard.

- Bam travels to Mecca where he performs a tailgrab off of the holy Ka'aba monument, revealing a cartoon image of the Prophet Mohammed smoking grass on the underside of his board to the horrified praying Muslims below.

- Dave England has his ribs surgically removed, allowing him to bend over and eat his own cock and balls. The rest of the team then force him to attempt sex with a Brazilian prostitute at gunpoint, laughing and pointing as England desperately struggles to penetrate the hooker with a gaping, bloody cavity where his genitalia should be.

- The boys travel to Rwanda, where Preston Lacy and Wee Man engage in a hot dog eating contest just a stone's throw away from the line to a food tent, serving emaciated villagers rice and maize. Preston emerges victorious but throws up on a nearby African child. This sends Johnny Knoxville into a fit of hysterics before he flies off in his solid gold helicopter.

- Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Tony Hawk, Wee Man and Maya Angelou helm a in-depth discussion in which the topics of the dumbing down of network television and the nature of reality TV are furiously debated at length, while Party Boy dances naked on the table to loud house music.

- The gang set up an elaborate prank in which Bam's parents are purported to have been killed in a car crash. A sombre-faced Knoxville informs the MTV wild child of the bad news, cracking up as Bam breaks down in tears, renounces his wasted life and vows to become a better man for his departed mother and father. During the funeral, fake corpses are catapulted out of the coffins to Bam's eternal horror, only for the real Phil and April to come skateboarding into the service to a thrash metal soundtrack.

- Ryan Dunn sneaks up on an unsuspecting Preston, pulls down his pants and anally rapes him with Wee Man's head. The guys burst into laugher when the little man emerges, bloody and brown, but minus the sailor's hat he was wearing when he went in.

- A hidden video camera placed in Ehren McGhehey's bedroom captures every single act of masturbation he's performed over the last four years, footage of which is cut together and projected on a 50ft high screen in the centre of his home town, where family members and old girlfriends have been invited on the promise of 'a nice surprise'.

- Steve-O is injected with a fatal poison and told that the antidote lies in a vial at the bottom of a swimming pool full of urine and faeces. The crew break into riotous laughter after ten minutes of frantic thrashing and retching, when an exasperated Steve-O emerges a broken man, realising that there is no antidote, and he was in fact injected with orangeade.

- Ryan Dunn is left in a Chinese water torture device for three months with only a video camera for company, to which he's forced to reveal his darkest, inner-most thoughts. When he's finally released, director Jeff Tremaine takes great pleasure in revealing to an emotionally drained Dunn that the camera never had any film in it, and that he had sex with his mother not ten minutes ago, asking him if his fingers smell familiar.

- Bam wakes up to find that his mischievous friends have tattooed a large picture of Ernest star Jim Varney fellating a grizzly bear on his chest. When he later attempts to remove the image with laser surgery, the doctor is bribed and simply adds a speech bubble next to the bear's head, containing the words 'Ow... No teeth, baby!'

- Steve-O drinks a pint of his own sick while the assembled crowd muster the enthusiasm to holler half-heartedly, occasionally pausing to stare longingly into the middle distance with their cold, lifeless eyes.

More:  Comedy  Morons
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