Create your own Expendables villain!

As you've no doubt seen discussed on The Pirate Bay, The Expendables 3 hits cinemas this week. It's a franchise famous for overblown action, probable steroid abuse and dubious berets, but above all else, it's famous for its ridiculous character names. Joining Lee Christmas, Hale Caesar and Toll Road is Mel Gibson's villain: Conrad Stonebanks. Let the swill around your mouth for a few minutes.

Conrad Stonebanks. Isn't it just the most satisfying character name you've ever seen? CONRAD STONEBANKS. A four-syllable assault on the tongue. It's so awesome, you can rearrange any of the syllables into a different order and it still sounds brilliant. Constone Radbanks. Radstone Conbanks. Bankstone Radcon. You wouldn't mess with any of those guys. Kudos, screenwriter Sylvester Stallone, you've outdone yourself this time.

When it comes to naming movie villains, you have to keep it simple, like Conrad Stonebanks. Punchy syllables. Manly sounds. Names that kick you in the mouth as you say them. If Sylvester Stallone is looking to name his villain for Expendables 4, he could do worse than use our special villain generator below, which uses complex algorithms to create a bad guy so intimidating, he'd make Lee Christmas jingle all the way to the little boys' room.

As well as generating the name, we've also thrown in a couple of actor suggestions, plus a rudimentary back story for each creation. That's right, Stallone: we've basically started writing Expendables 4 without you. To the IMDB page!

Create the villain for the next Expendables movie at the click of a button!



Why stop there? Create another villain! I'm pretty sure this is the actual method that was used to write the screenplays for The Expendables trilogy.