Exclusive: Sony email leak reveals studio notes on new Bond movie

Ali Gray

14th December 2014

Though it's ghastly to rubberneck at the car crash that is the Sony Pictures leak, we can't resist a bit of movies gossip - and new James Bond plot details are the cinematic equivalent of Jennifer Lawrence posing with her yaps out. We've exclusively obtained an email sent from Sony Pictures Chairman Amy Pascal to director Sam Mendes with the first round of studio notes on James Bond movie, Spectre. Bond fans: open a Google Incognito window, make sure your spouse is asleep and flog yourself silly while reading this.

Subject: SPECTRE Notes
Date: Friday November 12th 2014, 10:51:00 (PDT)
From: Amy Pascal
To: sammendes02@hotmail.com


Many thanks for sending over the advanced script for Spectre, I was excited to read such a top secret document and was careful not to share it with anyone. Imagine if it ever fell into the wrong hands so far out from release! Chills!

I've skim-read almost the whole thing and passed it around our creative team and we feel that though it's an impressive piece of work that stands alone, we do have some notes. Please take in all amends or I'll have to set Scott Rudin on you. LOL, joke! But seriously. I will.

The 'Previously on James Bond' pre-credits sequence, we've never done that before, have we? The caption with Skyfall's worldwide box-office felt a bit braggy

Shared universes are big business these days. Would it be at all possible for Bond to make reference to Spider-Man?

We like the vague mystery of the title, but feel there's room to explore 'Spectre' in a more literal sense. Like, perhaps James Bond can actually be haunted? By a ghost? I'm just spitballing here.

Can we please make room for a scene in which James Bond is seen playing on a PlayStation 4? Perhaps have one playing in Q's lab. Maybe he can have a PS Vita that fires deadly lasers? Might have to check this one with compliance

Is it definitely not too late to convince Daniel Craig to dye his hair brown?

Though James Bond is known for his sexual prowess, I feel it is unnecessary to see Bond literally putting a notch in his bedpost after sleeping with Monica Bellucci, particularly as she dies mid-coitus.

We're still desperate to get in as many product placement deals as possible before release, so please do all you can to fit in any mentions of the following brands: Tennents Super, Angry Birds, KFC, Fat Willy's Surf Shack, Johnson's Fungal Foot Powder, Audi, Aldi, Magic: The Gathering, Milk, Skittles, that water that Jennifer Aniston invented, T-Bone flavoured Roysters crisps, Wrigley's Juicy Fruit, JCB, Caneston Combo and the new Top Gear DVD.

Just a warning, we've run out of money for the opening credits musical sequence, so instead of supermodels, the silhouettes will be provided by members of the Accounts department.

FYI, Iggy Azalea IS available for the theme tune if Adele decides she can't duet with Will.i.am as planned.

If there's room, we'd be willing to try and squeeze Benedict Cumberbatch in there somewhere.

Can you make it a bit more like Star Wars?

Regarding John Logan's script, we have a few reservations about the following dialogue:

-- "Cheap as chips" - not sure 007 would say this

-- "Don't ever try to fuck with a motherfucker, motherfucker" (we are aiming for a 12A)

-- M would never call Bond his "bitch", please remove

-- We know Bond is synonymous with sexual innuendo, but we at Sony feel that 007 telling Moneypenny "I want to take you back to my place and make change" is a touch crude. We suggest: "I'd like to make a withdrawal" or maybe "I'd like to raid your piggybank" (if you know what we mean)

-- The eight-page scene in which Blofeld monologues before letting Bond escape feels a touch excessive; indeed, swathes of this dialogue appears to be copied directly from Wikipedia

-- James Bond doesn't rap (we double-checked with Barbara)

Finally, we absolutely CANNOT feature a scene in which Bond assassinates Kim Jong-Un. Has NOBODY been getting our goddamn memos?


PS. Please don't cast any more black people because I hate them all so much
Spoilsports. Looks like we're waiting for the director's cut.

More:  Bond  Spectre  Sony Leak
Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!

Share This