Films on TV round-up: Denzel, Arnie and... Renée?

That's right, it's back. What d'you mean, you didn't know it went away? Words can hurt, you know. Anyway, this week it's guns, muscles and...er...romcoms based on chick-lit novels. You can't say we don't have a sensitive side.

Commencing: Monday 9th May 2011

Training Day (2001) Tuesday, ITV4, 10pm



In a break from their usual scheduling policy, ITV4 have decided to show a film that isn't True Lies, which is good news if you like taut thrillers with lots of shaky hand-held camerawork and bravura central performances by Denzel Washington.

Ethan Hawke is the fresh-faced rookie expecting to learn from Washington's seasoned, street-smart cop and getting more than he bargained for when he finds his mentor doesn't mind breaking the law himself if it means getting the job done or just filling his own pockets. And yes, as Nicolas Cage said in Adaptation, "You explore the notion that cop and criminal are really two aspects of the same person. See every cop movie ever made for examples of this", but it's rarely been done better.

Plus there's another actor in it whose name escapes me ... oh yeah, that's it: for a minute there I forgot about Dre.
Predator (1987) Wednesday, Film4, 9pm



If, like me, you'll spend your Wednesday engaged in a manly job of work, like fixing really big cars or street-fighting, you'll be wanting to get home, eat half a raw cow and watch a MAN's film. Well look no further.

Back in the day when Arnold Schwarzenegger was somehow the most bankable movie star in the world, and before casting directors realised there was a reason why his best role was as a robot who never talks, he got to star in some pretty tidy action films, and there were few tidier than Predator. In it he, as cigar-chomping 'Dutch' Schaefer, heads off to Guatemala as the leader of an elite squadron of very big men to rescue some hostages, only to find themselves the target of an unseen malevolent force in the jungle.

More than your general bog-standard actioner, there's tension in spades in Predator, as Arnie's crew begin to get picked off one by one. And, lest we forget, this happens.


Bridget Jones Diary (2001) Wednesday, ITV2, 11pm



Look, shut up, alright? I like it!

Renée Zellweger's Bridget is, y'know, unlucky in love and work and unsure of herself and all that, and Hugh Grant's there in probably the last of his great floppy-haired roles, and Colin Firth's in it because he's Mr Darcy and she hates him then she loves him, and oh, she's just sooooooo much like me! (*puts on pyjamas and fetches Häagen-Dazs from fridge*) Anyway, no one makes good romantic comedies anymore, so take the opportunity to enjoy one with a lot of wit and charm. Just don't tell anyone it was me recommended it, or I won't be able to show my face at West Norwood fight club ever again.
Also on this week

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Monday, C5, 9pm
Tyson Tuesday, More4, 10pm
Collateral Wednesday, More4, 10pm
Serenity Thursday, ITV4, 9pm
An Education Friday, BBC2, 8.30pm
Police Academy Friday, ITV4, 9pm