New poster trend alert: everything must be diagonal or else

From the pedant who brought you 'just add sparks' and '16 poster traditions that need to die in a fire' comes another trademark whinge about movie posters. You're welcome.

When you look at movie posters as often as I do, you start to analyse them way beyond the pictures and the text - sometimes you notice trends popping up here and there. And then, once you've noticed them, you can't unnotice them. And the rage builds up inside you until you feel the need to write a blog post about it on your website or you'll have to kill again.

They're called 'diagonals'. Why? Because something at an angle is more attractive to the human eye than something in a straight line. Angles say 'edgy' and 'crazy'. They say 'we'd rather die than go 90 degrees'. Diagonals also mean you can cram more stuff on the poster. But really, does everyone need to use them? These are just from the last six months...
Kung Fu Panda 2


At least this one isn't just meaningless diagonalism. Pretty cool.

Green Lantern


We are the Corps! We strive for angular justice!

X-Men: First Class


I've 'shifted my viewpoint' on the social attitudes towards mutants.

Bad Teacher


Cameron Diaz is acute actress. (*facepalm*)

Cars 2


Hope you've got good treads on those tyres.

Zookeeper


Probably not the worst thing I could say about this poster.

Hanna


Because hitgirls don't play by the rules.

Priest


Still not sure why Paul Bettany is barebacking a tiny steam train.

Fast & Furious 5


And I always thought Vin Diesel was straight.

Limitless


That handsome devil can tilt as much as he likes.

Red Riding Hood


Also: snow is the new sparks.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never


Shifty little bastard.

Blood Out


This is a film, right? Val Kilmer used to be an actor, I think.

Sucker Punch


The poster is just as unbalanced as the movie's morals.

Tron Legacy


Someone needs to straighten up The Grid.

The Adjustment Bureau


Just a title tilt, but it needs all the help it can get.

The Green Hornet


Not the only thing that's off-kilter, to be fair.

Drive Angry


Drive angly.

Megamind


At least there's no DreamSmirk.

Resident Evil: Afterlife


I'll action you in einer neuen dimension in a minute.

Life As We Know It


Here's hoping they're all sliding into a molten pit of lava.

Step Up 3


Because dancing in a straight line is for squares. On the next page, you'll see who the biggest offender in diagonalism is - they've been tilting for years and getting away scot free...