Feature
Poster trend: bigging up the little guy
Movie Feature
Ali
2nd August 2013
A new poster for Thor: The Dark World has been released, and features every resident of Asgard who has ever lived. It's systematic of a trend: squeeze every single famous person in the film on the poster, even if it makes them so small they're basically just a smush of pixels.
Maybe you noticed him, maybe you didn't, but tucked away on the left is actor Tadanobu Asano, who plays Hogun. He's a pretty big actor in Japan ("certainly the hippest, if not the single most important, Japanese film actor working today," says some guy on IMDb), so he's earned his place on the poster... it's just, well, he's not Chris Hemsworth or Tom Hiddleston or Natalie Portman or Anthony Hopkins or even space god Idris Elba, is he?
The solution? Minimize him! Here's Asano isolated so you can see him.
Poor old tiny Tadanobu isn't the only poor soul to get the miniature treatment: it's increasingly common on posters for films with large ensemble casts. More famous faces equals more fans equals more box-office: that's the theory. Here are some of the tiniest poster faces from the last few years (actual size).
Granted, his character's not really that important, but that just means there's literally no reason to season this poster with Pepper at all.
Why so tiny? Because fuck you, Russia.
To be fair, the cast of Cloud Atlas was pretty massive. It's just Tom Hanks' big fat head was taking up all the room.
Johnny Depp pulls all the focus in a Tim Burton movie? Get out.
Late to the photoshoot? Probably listening to pop music with your girlfriend Miley Cyrus, you little prick. Get to the back.
Call off the hunt, there's a witch right over there!
He might be fast and furious but it's hard to tell from this distance.
Or a 'squad', perhaps. In any case, Sean Penn and his prosthetic nose is fighting Josh Brolin and his ridiculous chin for poster space.
I don't even remember her being in this film. She might actually be building on her part just be being on the poster.
Is he far away, or is Havoc's power that he can make himself extremely small and annoying? Like a wasp with a man's face.
Max Minghella? More like Mini Minghella.
Nobody steals Channing Tatum's limelight. NOBODY.
We'll always stick up for the little Guy.
Peekaboo!
Oh, sure. The black guy goes at the back. #EverydayRacism you guys.
Not-so-super now, are you Noah? Hello? Can you even hear me?
I'd have focused on the other two behind her if I could remember which cardboard cut-out characters they were.
She's not even that small, yet she still looks like a cavegirl.
The little bald pocket rocket wasn't going to let Tom Cruise take all the glory on this one. "I'm Paul fuckin' Giamatti," he thought.
It's better for everyone if he stays this size. Maybe then we could call him David... Trowel? (*waits for laughter*)
If you think I'm going into a Twilight wiki to find out who this is, you're very much mistaken. I can practically guarantee you that whoever he or she is, the character has an established canon background including a family history, plus an army of fans that are already typing poorly-spelled, angry comments beneath this very article.
Next week on TheShiznit.co.uk: giant floating heads.
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