Saturday smackdown: Killer Elite 2011 vs The Killer Elite 1975

Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind! Renowned Prince of Subtlety Jason Statham will be exploding all over cinemas this September, in Killer Elite. But it's not the first time the title has seen used, with Sam Peckinpah beating him to it by over 35 years. So which film is the most elitist? There's only one way to find out... fiiiight!

Plot: ex-SAS super soldier with gruff voice must rescue kidnapped mentor from man with equally gruff voice, and a silly little moustache. Cast: Jason Statham, Clive Owen, Robert De Niro, Yvonne Strahovski, Dominic Purcell, lots of men with very gruff voices. Trailer: LOL: An aging De Niro removing his jacket for a high octane fight scene. True story? Author Sir Ranulph Fiennes claims his source book - The Feather Men - describes true events, and he himself became the target of assassins! Fiesty hot chick: Soundtrack: Didn't you listen to the trailer? That's the mother-fudding Scorpions! Punched in the dick: Dialogue: "You're sitting there tied to a chair, and I'm standing 'ere with a gun in my 'and." Intelligibility: Like a pack of bulldogs fighting over a sack of spanners. Stills chosen at random: YouTube says: "This actually looks worth watching. Wat is the song in the background??"

Plot: crippled ex-CIA super mercenary learns kung fu skills to get revenge on former partner who double-crossed him, also The Man. Cast: James Caan, Robert Duvall, Arthur Hill, Burt Young, Mako, an assortment of the worst ninjas you'll ever see. Trailer: LOL: Caan and Duvall larking about like Men Behaving Badly. True story? Depends how much you believe Paulie from Rocky could single-handedly defeat a team of ninja assassins. So about as realistic as The Feather Men. Fiesty hot chick: Soundtrack: Score by thrice Oscar-nominated Jerry Fielding, who was once blacklisted by Hollywood for Communist sympathies. Kicked in the dick: Dialogue: "A guy can't blow up his best friend - where's the morality in that?" Intelligibility: Caan and Duvall's velvety tones belie their violent characters. Stills chosen at random: YouTube says: "Is that seriously Mako?!?!?! He's extremely young here, that's totally crazy!!"