Secret perks of being a Rotten Tomatoes approved film critic

Everyone knows Rotten Tomatoes, the review-aggregator website that tells you whether a movie is rubbish or brilliant. But what exactly does it mean to become a Rotten Tomatoes-approved publication? What power does it give you? What perks does it afford, apart from the obvious increase in pheromones that attract the opposite sex? Join us as we lay bare the secret perks of being Tomatometer-approved.

Secret side entrance to the Odeon Leicester Square via the kitchen when the queues out front are too long, including doormen who will greet you on a first name basis if you are trying to impress a +1

Badge and gun

Ending of every movie texted to you in advance in case you just can't be bothered

Special premium Netflix account that has movies on it

The smallest amount of power that ever went to anyone's head

Email alerts that regret to announce to you when Armond White is at it again

Your pick of the phones collected during pre-screening security measures

10% off at Pizza Express

Thirty minute meet-and-greet session with Evening Standard film critic and dashing raconteur David Sexton

Direct access to Rotten Tomatoes webmaster, Gary

Immunity in online arguments

Reserved seat in front row of selected IMAX theatres

Exclusive password for post-screening access to sinister masquerade ball and orgy held by high society's most influential bloggers

Six pre-written reviews per calendar year, painstakingly crafted by an unpaid writer's room of hungry young writers trying to break into the industry, lol

Answer to the question 'Who is better: Marvel or DC?' (Marvel)
Okay, I lied about the Pizza Express discount. I just wanted you to think I was cool.