Snow White vs Mirror Mirror: it's ON like Hans Christian AndersON


17th November 2011

Armageddon and Deep Impact! Antz and A Bug's Life! No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits! Feature writers, prepare to roll out your old 'similar movies' articles, because there are two similar movies coming out! It's time for the Snow Whites to fight to the death, within the confines of a HTML table!

Released: 1 June, 2012.Released: 16 March, 2012.
Official synopsis: "In a twist to the fairytale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen."Official synopsis: "An evil queen steals control of a kingdom and an exiled princess enlists the help of seven resourceful rebels to win back her birthright in a spirited adventure comedy filled with jealousy, romance and betrayal that will capture the imagination of audiences the world over."
Unofficial synopsis: It's Snow White, 're-energised' for the Twilight demographic.Unofficial synopsis: It's Snow White, remade for people who like panto.
Cast: Kristen Stewart (Snow White), Charlize Theron (Evil Queen), Chris Hemsworth (The Huntsman) and Nick Frost (er, dwarf).Cast: Lily Collins (Snow White), Julia Roberts (Evil Queen), Armie Hammer (er, Prince Andrew) and Nathan Lane (Doormat).
Director: Rupert Sanders (debut).Director: Tarsem Singh (The Cell, The Fall, Immortals).
Aiming for: Terry Gilliam does Game Of Thrones.Aiming for: BBC1, Christmas Day, 4.30pm.
Evilness of Evil Queen: Stabbing dudes, sucking the life force out of hot chicks, taking delight in the cries of dying soldiers, turning into a murder of crows. 9/10Evilness of Evil Queen: Rudeness, abrupt manner with servants, hilarious misuse of date rape drug, jealousy towards a younger woman. 2/10
Potentially embarrassing still:
Potentially embarrassing still:
Number of dwarves who are actually dwarves: 0Number of dwarves who are actually dwarves: 7
But is one of them Ray Winstone? Yes.But is one of them Ray Winstone? Y-... No.
Score: If Daft Punk took Inception one level deeper.Score: If Danny Elfman went one level derper.
Eye-opening IMDB trivia: "After Viggo Mortensen passed on the movie, the role was offered to Hugh Jackman who also declined."Eye-opening IMDB trivia: "Saoirse Ronan was considered for the role of Snow White, but the age difference between her and Armie Hammer was too big."
Snow White looking her least 'fairest of them all':
Snow White looking her least 'fairest of them all':
What to say: "It's a bold re-imagining of a classic fable, with cutting-edge special effects and epic battle scenes likely to breathe new life into Hans Christian Andersen's fairytale. Not sure about old mopey bollocks as Snow White, though. She can fuck right off."What to say: (*embarrassed silence*)
Predicted Rotten Tomatoes rating: FreshPredicted Rotten Tomatoes rating: Rotten
(but Armond White will love it)
Likeliness of you going to see whatever Jason Statham film is out on the same day as either of them? TOTAL.

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