Those Doctor Who/Nativity 2 connections in full

Can't wait for the new series of Doctor Who? Try, er, Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger.

Yes, I know this came out over a year ago, but I've managed to avoid it until recently. Upon being forced to watch it I discovered it may well be what Doctor Who fans need to get them through the long months until the new series starts (which, considering they're only just getting started, could be a while).

No, I've not totally lost the plot: there's several good reasons why this film is perfect for Doctor Who fans. Here's why.

• Firstly, it stars former Timelord David Tennant as a teacher forced to take a bunch of annoying brats to a singing contest.


• The first film starred Martin Freeman as a teacher forced to take a bunch of annoying brats to a different singing contest. As Freeman's got quite a good career going he presumably didn't want to make a film where the comedy highlight is a baby pissing in his face. So they roped in Tennant to play essentially the same character. Almost as if Freeman regenerated into Tennant.


• Tennant's wife is played by Joanna Page. In the Doctor Who anniversary episode, The Day of the Doctor, Page (playing Queen Elizabeth I with a Welsh accent) married Tennant's Doctor, effectively making this a sequel to that episode.



You can't argue with logic like that.




• Page, coincidentally, once got naked with Freeman in twatty luvvie-fest Love Actually. I've frankly no idea why this is relevant or if it's classed as cheating. As I got bored and never actually made it to the end of Love Actually I've no idea if they ended up together or not, but if they did, that may mean our current Royal Family is part Hobbit.


• A large part of it is set in Wales. Doctor Who is filmed in Wales. Again, this may not be overly relevant.


• Tennant has an evil identical twin brother. This is almost certainly the plot of a Doctor Who episode at some point but I can't be bothered to check.


• The evil twin brother, a choirmaster, is blatantly modelled on Gareth Malone. Malone, by remarkable coincidence, has based his entire look on a nine-year-old dressing up as Matt Smith's 11th Doctor.


• The bloke who played Winston Churchill in that dodgy Second World War Dalek episode plays Tennant's dad.



If I knew a Winston Churchill quote this caption would be BRILLIANT.




• A rival teacher is played by some bloke who was in the rubbish Neil Gaiman Cyberman episode (the same one which inexplicably saw Warwick bloody Davis become emperor of the universe and Tamzin Outhwaite do nothing interesting whatsoever).


• Jessica "Daisy from Spaced" Hynes is inexplicably in it. She cropped up in a David Tennant episode. She was quite good in that. She's not in this.


• Pam Ferris is in it. My extensive research (Google) reveals she was once in a Doctor Who audio adventure, as well as a Doctor Who/Call the Midwife Comic Relief sketch which I didn't know existed until five minutes ago and can happily go the rest of my life without watching.


• Like all good Doctors, he's got an annoying sidekick, in the shape of teaching assistant Mr Poppy (Marc Wooton). He manages to be even more of an annoying fuckwit than Catherine Tate was.


• Oh, and like quite a lot of Doctor Who episodes, it's bloody awful.

Next week: how to get over your Breaking Bad withdrawal by watching old episodes of Fireman Sam.