Feature
What have I missed: Hollyoaks
TV Feature
Luke Whiston
13th June 2011
In which we look at the state of our favourite shows, years after we actually stopped watching them. In this first (and most likely last) instalment, we hit the ground QWOPing with Hollyoaks.
Have they done any big events, or deaths lately? Last I saw they killed off the less-sexy-than-they-sound blonde twins, Dom's Wife (I believe that was actually her name), and some dude who turned up later in a WKD advert - thanking them for their services with the sombre credits music and a kind of graffiti mural:
What sort of girl phase are they in? You can tell a serious storyline is brewing when they start to get less slutty - makes it more realistic. The girls today were average, and my theory was proved correct when a plot involving faked miscarriages was revealed. Still, one of them at least put in some effort, wearing a revealing gold number. None of them are my beloved Izzy, though. Where's she gone? The Boat?
Is every second male character now gay? I'm sure a gay male character used to live with a girl in a flat, and they had a baby. I presume they've been neatly swept under the same rug as Gilly, Mandy, Jack, O.B. and Spencer - who, get this, isn't actually mentally retarded in real life. Warren is alive, despite being dead? And nobody seems to care about that whole murder thing...?!
Why is Dick Dastardly in it?
Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!
Support Us
Follow Us
Recent Highlights
-
Review: Jackass Forever is a healing balm for our bee-stung ballsack world
Movie Review
-
Review: Black Widow adds shades of grey to the most interesting Avenger
Movie Review
-
Review: Fast & Furious 9 is a bloodless blockbuster Scalextric
Movie Review
-
Review: Wonder Woman 1984 is here to remind you about idiot nonsense cinema
Movie Review
-
Review: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm arrives on time, but is it too little, or too much?
Movie Review
Advertisement
And The Rest
-
Review: The Creator is high-end, low-tech sci-fi with middling ambitions
Movie Review
-
Review: The Devil All The Time explores the root of good ol' American evil
Movie Review
-
Review: I'm Thinking Of Ending Things is Kaufman at his most alienating
Movie Review
-
Review: The Babysitter: Killer Queen is a sequel that's stuck in the past
Movie Review
-
Review: The Peanut Butter Falcon is more than a silly nammm peanut butter
Movie Review
-
Face The Music: The Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey soundtrack is most outstanding
Movie Feature
-
Review: Tenet once again shows that Christopher Nolan is ahead of his time
Movie Review
-
Review: Project Power hits the right beats but offers nothing new
Movie Review
-
Marvel's Cine-CHAT-ic Universe: Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Movie Feature
-
Review: Host is a techno-horror that dials up the scares
Movie Review