Anna Faris is Private Benjamin, also kind of an idiot


31st March 2010

In tonight's third remake-related news update (unless you consider The Expendables to be a remake of my wildest dreams), Anna Faris will play Private Benjamin. It's funny because war isn't for girls, see?

War: what is it good for? Casting attractive, talented women in shitty remakes of shitty comedies, that's what. Because the world was crying out for a modern take on Private Benjamin, the Scary Movie actress has just been cast in the lead role.

As much as I love Anna Faris - and I love me some Anna Faris - I simply can't condone this course of action. Kate Hudson can appear in as many shitheel romantic comedies as she likes, she's already doomed. But Faris? She's still got potential. She could be The One. I'd hate to see her resigned to comedy pratfalls and trying to melt her drill instructor's heart. You're better than that, Anna! I keep texting but you don't reply!

I know what you're thinking. 'This could be good! She's hot! And, y'know... war! Women! I'm laughing already!' Well, just in case you were wondering what the studio's angle would be, check out this steaming press release quote. Get ready for one heck of an edgy comedy!

"The studio doesn't want to poke fun at the men and women in the service or take political potshots, but rather focus on the empowerment elements and build on the fish-out-of-water comedy."
Yeah, empowerment! You go, girl! Beat the burkha! Put the fun in fundamentalism! Everyone seems to be forgetting they already remade this movie with Jessica Simpson in the lead role, only it was called Private Valentine: Blonde And Dangerous. Take a good look, Anna. A good, long look. Like what you see? That's where you're headed.

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