Attenborough's Paradise Birds less wholesome than billed

"He spun us some shit about the avian wonders of the jungles of New Guinea," explained a BBC executive, "but then he sent in an hour's worth of him hanging around with a load of page 3 girls. It's mainly just him saying stuff like 'Cor, bet you don't get many of those to the pound!' and chasing them round his garden."

"Paid the cost to be the boss," explained Attenborough, smoking a massive cigar in a jacuzzi.