Bollocks to theatre, says Rylance

Newly crowned Oscar recipient Mark Rylance today told the theatre it could do one.

Rylance, famously a reluctant participant in films, had to be coaxed into his role as Rudolf Abel in Bridge of Spies by director Steven Spielberg.

"It's nice to get awards for film, but the theatre is always my first love," he explained in an interview at the Oscars after-party. "Once I'm done here I'm off back to London to resume rehearsals for Chekhov's Uncle Vanya at the National. It's a work I've always wanted to tackle and now ... holy shit, is that Cameron Diaz?

"That's Cameron fucking Diaz."

Once he'd excitedly told Diaz he thought she was amazing in Bad Teacher, Rylance started rummaging through the goody-bag he'd been given at the party.

"Have you seen this shit?" he went on. "This is a Cartier watch. Is this fucking real? It is, it's real. This must be worth ten grand. There's a diamond-studded iPhone 6 in here too. You get all this just for turning up?

"I was talking to George Clooney earlier and he said I should come and hang out with them at Lake Como. Do you think he'll put me in Ocean's Fourteen?"

Rylance's publicist later confirmed he had told the National Theatre he wasn't showing up for rehearsals unless they got him a trailer with a gold jacuzzi and "bitches on tap". He is now in talks to appear as Mark Wahlberg's impetuous sidekick in Transformers 5.