Confirmed! Underworld 4: Rise Of The Bile In My Throat


24th September 2010

Look, just because Kate Beckinsale looks hot in skin-tight leather, that doesn't mean you have to keep going to see her movies.

I once thought that there was no possible way to make the concept of vampires battling werewolves boring, but Len Wiseman proved me wrong when he unleashed the snoozefest that was Underworld. I pretty much checked out after that one, so I can't say one way or another if the other two are any good, but I'm not all that interested in finding out.

Anyway, people with low standards have helped this franchise rake in over $300 million worldwide, so I guess a fourth installment was always a foregone conclusion. The big news here is that Wiseman's wife Kate Beckinsale will return to the franchise that made her a star, reprising her role as the character of Selene.

Further details are scarce at this point, but apparently Mr. Beckinsale is too busy ruining other once-great franchises, so he won't be returning to the director's chair. Additionally, producers are searching for someone to play Beckinsale's daughter, which means they are thinking long term, and hoping for a multi-generational property. They should just cast Shia LaBeouf, since that worked out so well for the Indiana Jones franchise. Plus, he's kinda girly.

Production is set to start in Vancouver in March of 2011, from a script written by John Hlavin, and revised by Babylon 5 creator (and kick-ass Scrabble hand) J. Michael Straczynski. So if you aren't in any way discerning about the kind of entertainment you consume, you can look forward to the film sometime in summer of 2012.

NSFW? Possibly. Relax, I just saved you the effort of watching these movies.

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