Darwin biopic Creation 'too controversial' to find US distributor

Creation, the Charles Darwin biopic starring Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly, has been unable to find a distributor in America, with analysts claiming the subject of evolution is "too controversial". Allah give me strength!

This may not be too surprising when you consider only 39% of Americans claim to believe in the theory of evolution, but it's still pretty shocking to think more than a third of the population will be unable to see it because studios are scared of the other two-thirds i.e. the placard-waving retards.

Producer Jeremy Thomas has been vocal about the film's lack of success in the States.

"The film has no distributor in America. It has got a deal everywhere else in the world but in the US, and it's because of what the film is about. People have been saying this is the best film they've seen all year, yet nobody in the US has picked it up."

I'm not sure who Jeremy Thomas has been talking to, because Creation has been getting some pretty average buzz from people in the know.

From what I've seen, it's one of those films that thinks a love story is more important than an actual plot. Kinda like how Titanic isn't about a boat sinking, but a "love story set against the backdrop of a tragedy". Kinda like how me doing this 'dismissive wank' gesture isn't really an insult, but "a damning indictment of modern cinema set against a backdrop of fart noises".

I know how to make this movie a success. Change the title to 'Monkey Trouble!', recast Bettany with Brendan Fraser and make it a spoof, complete with a scene in which a Michael Jackson lookalike molests a chimp. No need to thank me, America!