David Fincher rumoured for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo US remake

David Fincher attached to direct a film involving a serial killer? (*drops jaw*) In unrelated news, Michael Bay reveals his love of explosions and Roman Polanski still isn't welcome in Early Learning Centres.

I hate to start banging the 'remakes are evil' drum, but dammit, bongo me up, because Sweden's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is a near perfect thriller. It's extremely difficult to imagine how it could be improved by setting it in the Western hemisphere and attaching big names. Big names like David Fincher.

Now, I'm a bigtime Fincher fan; I've set up several fight clubs in his honour and am writing this from my panic room. But with Variety reporting that Fincher is circling the American Tattoo remake, like some cultural vulture, I can't help but feel like he's done this before - and pretty successfully, too. Um, Se7en, anyone? Zodiac? Two of the best serial killer movies of all time? Is he that desperate for the hat-trick? Wouldn't now be the perfect time to make that movie about the talking puppy and the sassy kitten?

Old smoothies George Clooney and Brad Pitt are apparently in the frame to star - because they are handsome men, and that's enough - while Quentin Tarantino has apparently thrown his hat in the ring too. Christ: imagine the monologuing before each murder. The victims would kill themselves before he'd even got halfway through his first Superman soliloquy.

Even though Swedish actress Noomi Rapace is fantastic in the lead role (let me be the first: Oscar?), further sources claim waif du jour Carey Mulligan is being considered to play the role of hacker Lisbeth. I can guarantee you, this rumour has only come about because she has short hair, and the character has short hair. Hollywood really is that simple. If the character had a twirly moustache and a hat, you'd be seeing a picture of Daniel Day-Lewis and a big question mark at the top of this article.