Game of Thrones to "stop shoving boobs in your face"

Iain Robertson

7th April 2015

When Game of Thrones returns to our screens next week, fans might notice a subtle change regarding the costumes of their favourite characters. Namely that they'll be wearing them.

Executive producers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have made the drastic decision to cut out the constant gratuitous nudity in the show.

"We figured it was the right time," Benioff probably said at some point. "After four years of constant T&A (not to mention M, D, B, C and G) we figured it was time to rein it in. Hopefully by now viewers will tune in for the complex characters, the nuanced storytelling and the rich, complex world George R.R. Martin has created, not on the off-chance that Daenerys will whip them out again."

"Truth be told," he went on, "alongside the constant decapitations, incest, child murder and disembowellings, even with all the gratuitous sex every five minutes, it's what we in the TV industry refer to as 'a difficult wank', so we thought why bother? Besides, it's fucking freezing in Northern Ireland. Do you know how many semi-naked cast members we had to treat for hypothermia last year?"

Author George R.R. Martin, a self-professed fan of the show's nudity, was unavailable for comment. His agent refused to confirm rumours that he'd locked himself in his office with a copy of Asian Babes and was refusing to finish writing the next novel in the series, The Winds Of Winter, unless naked women were digitally inserted into every scene of the upcoming fifth season.

"We're finally growing up," Weiss definitely didn't say. "However, we have had to make a few small cuts to compensate for all the extra costumes we'll need. Basically we've had to replace the dragons with hand puppets. It was either that or fire Peter Dinklage and replace him with Warwick Davis. He'll work for free so long as you pay his bus fare and provide lunch."

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