Hammond "started Top Gear fracas then ran away"

The BBC has confirmed reports that Richard Hammond provoked the fracas between presenter and opinion-fabricator Jeremy Clarkson and a Top Gear producer. He then ran behind Clarkson and at intervals poked his tiny head into view to say "Yeah!" while the larger man conducted the argument. When the altercation turned physical he did little except aim a kick at the producer when he was on the ground and then back away hurriedly.

Hammond, 45, was asked to present the show in Clarkson's absence but, on realising none of his bigger mates were around, only went red and mumbled something about how he got loads of girls and his uncle owned a BMX factory. James May refused on the grounds of being literally incapable of anything.

Clarkson was predicted to end up doing really well out of the whole thing somehow and to have his cause tirelessly championed by people who think speed cameras are enforced by Sharia law or something.