Harrison Ford wants to kill off Indy


20th December 2010

A wise man once said, "It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage". Sadly, after a recent car crash, the doddery old banger in question seems to be headed for the scrapyard. This and more in today's metaphor corner.

If internet rumours are to be believed - and hey, they've never let us down before - then Harrison Ford wants to kill off Indiana Jones in the fifth Indy movie. Cynics might say that Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull was a pretty fatal blow already, but luckily there aren't many cynics on the internet.

If you'll remember, the story goes that Ford lobbied George Lucas to kill off Han Solo in Return Of The Jedi. Lucas didn't agree, and decided the best thing was for the coolest dude in the galaxy to be bested by some militant teddy bears. Lucas, you shrewd devil! You certainly showed him!

Anyway, the professional journalists at Showbiz Spy must have a mole deep in the Harrison Ford camp, because they've scooped this Earth-shattering, not-at-all made up exclusive.

"'Harrison thinks it would be good for Indy to die and pass on his hat to his son in the next one,' reveals an insider.

"George especially is resisting the notion but Steven [Spielberg] is considering it. Funnily enough Harrison wanted the same for Han Solo in the final Star Wars but George put an end to it. This time he doesn't have all the say though."
You can tell it's a genuine story because they finish with a hilarious anecdote about how Ford was recently asked for ID when buying alcohol. Pro tip: it's called 'detail'. Clearly you never went to journalistic school.

Indiana Jones 5 is as inevitable and depressing as the slow, creeping realisation of death. Even though I kind of liked KOTCS as a guilty pleasure, a character as sacred as Indiana Jones shouldn't have to tolerate a sub-par entry to his canon (see also: Die Hard 4.0) and the general consensus from moviegoers seems to be enough is enough is e-goddamned-nough. Ford even admitted on Conan (albeit drunkenly, below) that the only reason he's agreed to do Indy 5 is money.

Rest in peace, Indiana Jones? As long as Herr Lucas and his CG gestapo are still goose-stepping the Earth, the chances of the Indiana Jones franchise dropping dead is about as likely as Lucas saying, "I think we've done all we can do with the Star Wars universe, guys. Let's try something new." That's not very likely, by the way. In case that wasn't clear.

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