Is this the most retarded film ever?


13th September 2009

Prepare yourself for the stupidest movie pitch you'll ever hear in your entire life. Update: now with alternate title suggestions!

So I was browsing a rather good article on about horror starlets past and present, in honour of the release of cruddy slasher, Sorority Row. That's when I stumbled on the synopsis for a new film called Burning Bright. Strap yourselves in, because this website is about to go full retard.

Released in late 2009, from the producer of Big Momma's House no less, Burning Bright is a thriller starring Briana Evigan, the daughter of Greg Evigan from TV's My Two Dads and When Things Get Knocked Over, Spill, Or Fall Out Of Cupboards. But what's it about, I hear you ask? I'll let the official synopsis do the talking:

"When 20 year-old Kelly wakes late at night during a hurricane, she finds a hungry tiger stalking her through the halls of her home. With every door and window boarded up from the outside and her stepfather nowhere to be found, Kelly fights to stay one step ahead of the killer beast while dragging her autistic brother Tom through the house."

Yep, it's about a girl protecting her AUTISTIC BROTHER from a fucking TIGER during a fucking HURRICANE. Also starring fucking MEAT LOAF. I'm not going to lie to you guys. This sounds fucking AWESOME. I'm crying tears of ironic joy through all three eyes. All it needs is a Nic Cage cameo then I know I'm dreaming.

Burning Bright is so high concept it makes Snakes On A Plane look like a Ken Loach film. It's like they saw the tiger scenes in The Hangover and thought, "This comedy would be much scarier if it was set during Hurricane Katrina and Bradley Cooper was developmentally disabled".

Thanks to ShockTilYouDrop for the synopsis. Bloody Disgusting have pics you just gotta see.

Update: Commenter Luke suggested that the title 'Burning Bright' is not suitable for a movie with such awesome subject material. The current frontrunner is 'Tigopath'. Can you do better?

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