Jesus vamping Christ, these new Twilight posters are boring


25th May 2012

Every single poster for the Twilight saga thus far has featured a gloomy background with a mopey bastard on it. Breaking Dawn Part 2 does not break trend. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are literally the poster children for inertia.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 isn't due for release until the end of the year (still, it'll be out before GI Joe 2) but already we have three teaser posters, each showing the lead characters fighting mythical creatures while receiving fellatio. Only joking, they're boring as fuck and feature the principle cast staring into the camera like they're watching a TV through Dixons window or summat. I can only imagine the photographer's directions during the exciting shoot.

Be an empty vessel!

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Feel nothing!

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Express ennui!

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And I'm spent. Incidentally, these incredibly artsy 'half portrait' shots (they're all the rage, darling) gave me the opportunity to craft together the perfect man for Bella - half ethnic shirtless werewolf, half sparkle-motion vampire. He is T-Patz and he is proven to appeal to all demographics.

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I should have mentioned: sorry ladies, he's gay.

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