Killers poster: I want you both to die

Behold the new poster and the latest trailer for Killers: the 'hit' romantic comedy that proves Osama and friends were right about the West all along.

Honestly, I've got no idea why I'm writing about Killers, a sure-to-be wretched romantic comedy about a smug hitman and an uptight bitch starring Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl - try to guess who plays who! Given that it's from the director of The Ugly Truth, which is one of the most nauseating movies ever made, perhaps I'm just hoping that Al-Qaeda get wind of it and change their targets accordingly. Boy, I'm really hitting 9/11 hard today, huh?

So here's the poster, which tells you absolutely everything you need to know without you ever needing to watch it. He's unpredictable. She's fussy. Let me save you several years of marriage counselling: if you're such an odd couple, why the fuck do you even like each other?



Below is the new international trailer for Killers. It's really... um... I'm not going to lie to you guys, I didn't even bother to watch it. It could have Ashton Kutcher fellating a pig while Katherine Heigl squats on a swingball pole for all I know or care. Jihad to you all!