Man reassures Twitter followers he doesn't watch Bake-Off

A man yesterday informed his 97 Twitter followers that he was uninterested in the day's trending story about the Great British Bake-Off because he had never seen it.

"Couldn't care less about #GBBO going to C4!" the man typed into his smartphone whilst on a train, smudging the screen a little with crisps grease as his thumb tapped Send. "Never watched an episode, never will!"

His followers thanked him for his contribution to the debate.

"This changes everything," one said. "I had previously thought that the #GBBO hashtag comprised Twitter in its entirety, but now I understand that there are those who do not watch it and thus have no strong feelings as to which channel is its more natural home. I will factor this into my thinking from now on.

"It is also useful to be reminded that there are more important things in the world than TV shows about baking, like Brexit and Islamist death squads, and that by discussing one thing I am taking up valuable room that could be devoted to another, because of the finite amount of space on the internet. Effectively by tweeting about apple turnovers I am endorsing Isis.

"If only there were a way for him to ensure somehow that he never sees any Bake-Off related tweets."

The man later sought out and voted in an online poll that requested an answer to the question "Was the UK's military intervention in Libya a success?", choosing the third option, "Don't know."