Mr Big says the media killed off the Sex And The City franchise

Good job, the media! Chris Noth has dropped a bombshell on every girl and gay in the world: there will be no more Sex And The City movies. Prepare for the most hilariously misguided quote of the year.

This one time, I watched Sex And The City: The Movie. I didn't spontaneously combust, or melt into a puddle of lumpy piss, or try and stab my eyes out with biros. I was, however, a bit bored, and not having watched much of the TV series, found the characters all highly irritable shrews - the kind of women I'd change religion to avoid.

From up here in my ivory tower, I found the coverage of Sex And The City 2 to be hilarious but a little on the harsh side: surely it couldn't be as bad as everyone said it was? Nonetheless, when the full complement of reviews trickled in, it was pretty clear that Sex And The City 2 was about as much fun as being sat next to a particularly loud hen party in a restaurant. If only they'd stop their incessant shrieking for one minute...

Both Sex And The City movies made mountains of cash, despite their awful reviews, but male star Chris Noth - who plays Carrie's love interest Mr Big - reckons the franchise is dead. Why? Because all those critics who are paid to tell their readers when a movie sucks are doing their job too well.

Talking to New York magazine about the future of the series, Noth ranted:

On the contrary, Mr Big. It's almost like they all had the exact same review because they did see the movie. As much as you'd like it to be some big media conspiracy that a movie in which Arabian women are revealed to be wearing designer clothes underneath their burquas is universally reviled, I suspect it's simply that your movies sucked.

You'd have got a better response if you blamed it on Arabs, or terrorists, or women. Don't fuck with the media, Noth. We don't feel pity, or remorse or fear, and we absolutely will not stop, ever, until we've written all the bitchy quotes and printed all the upskirt photos we desire.