No need to panic, people: Star Wars is coming to Blu-ray


14th August 2010

Good news: Star Wars is coming to Blu-ray. Bad news: Still no one has the fulfilled the prophecy and tossed Emperor Lucas down a lift shaft.

Every time a new home entertainment format is released, the only two things anyone is ever worried about are as follows: 1) "Will there be porn?"; and 2) "When is Star Wars coming out?" (Also, I guess there's also 3) "When is Star Wars porn coming out?", to which the only answer is, "You should be ashamed of yourself.")

With Blu-ray now the pointlessly expensive disc of choice, the answer to question 2) is the rather vague release window of Fall 2011, or next autumn to you and I. Taking into consideration movie nerds' inherent need to bitch and gripe about arbitrary things, LucasFilm will only be releasing the box set in a six-movie bundle, so you'll have to buy Episodes I, II & III all over again. Even though, obviously, they don't exist.

Oh yeah, and you'll only be able to buy the charmless Special Edition remastered versions and not the originals. This is an outrage etcetera (*yawns*). Says Lucas:

"Releasing the originals is kind of an oxymoron because the quality of the original is not very good. You have to go through and do a whole restoration on it, and you have to do that digitally. It's a very, very expensive process to do it. So when we did the transfer to digital, we only transferred really the upgraded version."
I'm kind of tired of this whole process. Star Wars is re-released, fans aren't happy, Lucas moons the fans from his solid gold hyper-blimp, everyone (including me) buys the movies again anyway. The circle is complete, and so on and so on.

Still, the box set promises to come with plenty of extra gubbins, including "documentaries, vintage behind-the-scenes moments, interviews, retrospectives and never-before-seen footage from the Lucasfilm archives." I'm starting to think that the bottom of the barrel of "never-before-seen footage" is being scraped, but at least one deleted scene will feature - the one you can see below. But on Blu-ray!

Jesus, listen to those nerds. It's embarrassing. This is the most pointless deleted scene I've ever seen. Just because I own Star Wars trainers does not mean I am like these guys.

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