Only Fools and Horses US remake: cast revealed

Revealed by other people days ago, mainly. But now copied and pasted here with the odd mean-spirited comment lobbed in like a grenade. A grenade of TRUTH.

Only Fools and Horses: The Yankening - an official thing that is officially happening on planet Earth quite soon. Though David Jason has said he doesn't think it'll work, I disagree: we view it as the most British of sitcoms but the idea of three blokes trying on various get-rich-quick schemes is a pretty universal one. Plus, he thought The Royal Bodyguard would work and it was a colossal shitheap, so what does he know?

The key casting decisions have been announced and we can not-in-the-least-bit-exclusively reveal them for you here. A decent percentage of them are actually true.
Delboy: Benny Blanco from the Bronx



John Leguizamo is to play Del. I last saw him playing Toulouse Lautrec in Moulin Rouge, whose casting director presumably couldn't find a dwarf whose face he liked so they superimposed Leguiz's onto one instead. I hate when people do that: it's just demeaning to everyone involved.
Rodney: this fucking guy



Dustin Ybarra is seemingly a person, and must be funny because he has crazy hair, so he's a lock as far as I'm concerned. This just keeps getting better and better.
Granddad: Dr Emmett Lathrop Brown, Ph.D.



Latest to be added to the roster is Christopher Lloyd, who will play granddad until he dies, at which point they'll stick a beard on his corpse and make him play Uncle Albert using animatronics.
Trigger: a guy who doesn't even have a Wikipedia page



Trigger is to be reinvented as a fast-talking conman, rather than a halfwit. This sounds appalling, obviously, and on top of that you have the fact that he's being played by BJ Bales. I have no earthly idea who BJ Bales is. "Like Christian Bale, only TWICE," it might say on his official website if he was famous enough to have one.
Boycie: Denzel Washington



Or something. I don't know, I sort of lost track of the logic of whose head I'm supposed to put on whose. I also got lost in Denzel's eyes quite a lot while Google image-searching him and now I can't concentrate.
I'm going to stick my neck out and say this will be better than everyone thinks. No one gave The Office US any chance and that turned out to be funnier than an afternoon in the company of a man who has memorised every episode of The Office UK and recites it to you.

In many ways, they might as well just sling out most of the UK version and start from scratch with the premise. That's what I'd do, and I've lost count of the number of single-camera sitcom pilots I've had brought to series by major US TV networks. Literally lost count.