Penelope Cruz will make a sexy Pirate

The Pirates Of The Caribbean series is set to go on a CRUZ with news that sexy Spanish siren Penelope Cruz will join the cast! CRUZ that girl? It's Penelope Cruz! Time to go on CRUZ control! Hahaha! Right guys?

With Keira Knightley jumping ship and Orlando Bloom sucking balls, the Pirates Of The Caribbean series is looking a little light on salty sea-dogs these days. Bolstering the cast will be new addition Penelope Cruz, who reports say will play a 'feisty foreign character'. Reports I wrote just now.

Expect her to be a love interest to Jack Sparrow or something similarly uninspired. Penelope Cruz in a corset is enough. I've already bought my ticket, dude. You could put her in a beard and give her a pegleg and I'd still find the strength to 'walk my plank' before the opening credits finish. (Edit: or 'scold my parrot'. I'm not sure which masturbation euphemism I like better).

This is a bit of a no-brainer when you remember the director of Pirates 4 - codenamed On Stranger Tides - is one Rob Marshall, official friend of Hollywood females and the man behind mega-flop musical Nine.

To celebrate this momentus news, here is an awesome picture of Penelope Cruz being buried in sand by a dog. What up.