The 5 butt-ugliest abominations on the new Journey 2 poster

Usually a naff poster would get a disparaging remark in Luke's poster round-up and we'd think no more about it, but this one-sheet for Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is particularly heinous. Anyone not into detailed graphic design nitpicking and groundless whinging look away now.

Ignoring the fact that the tagline is totally uninspiring, it's just been slapped at the top, where it obscures the artwork. The text isn't even properly visible against the mountain. How hard would it be to scale down the background and have the text sit on the sky?

File this under 'general unnecessary business'. I get it's a 'mysterious island' but what the fuck even are half the things on this poster? Plants? Roots? Insects? The art is indistinct and ugly as fuck - it looks like a scrawl you'd see on a hippy's camper van.

Grrr! Angry lizard! But why is there debris if the wall is yards away? Has it even been smashed? Why was it behind the wall if its eggs are here? Not helpful is the fact the lizard's skin blends in with the eggs so you can't tell what's what. Nice one, texture department.

Nice to see the characters sporting the 'cut and paste collection' here. Lazy comping, this. Everyone is running at full-pelt, but if this were on pause and you pushed play, they'd smash their shins on those giant rocks/eggs. Idiots. It's what they deserve.

Maybe The Rock doesn't look worried because HE'S THE ROCK, but I don't need to see him sweat, nor do I need to see his t-shirt ruck up round the waist to create a cloth wang. Poster design pro-tip: he could easily be vaulting the actual title here. But no. More eggs.

Honestly, to look at this poster, you'd think the film was just a cheap, hastily-produced sequel to a moderately successful adventure, with awful special effects, a gaudy palette, obvious greenscreen work and a great British actor reduced to cashing in Hollywood paycheques.



Oh.