John Ortiz

News, Reviews & Features
  • Review: Horse Girl opts for style over substance, but it's a close-run race

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 12th February 2020

    If making lots of one thing is an objective measure of goodness, then Netflix are really good at these thrillers where the protagonist is having a tough time clinging on to reality. Yes I know sometimes they just buy the distribution righ- ...hang on, this is my intro to Earthquake Bird. Ok, well as broadly similar as Horse Girl is to all those other films, there are a few things setting it apart worth talking about. So let's saddle up pardner and giddy on up to the re-he-view! *yeehaws on chair in Costa, falls off, breaks pensioner's hip*

  • Review: Messiah asks if a new God is the real deal, or a very naughty boy?

    TV Review | Luke Whiston | 22nd January 2020

    Ooh who is he? Where does he come from? How did he get here? Is he a con artist? How does he have all this insider knowledge? Can he read minds? Was he sent by God? Can he actually perform miracles? Or is he a terrorist? Is he going to start a war? Will he unite religions and heal the world? But more important than all of the above: how does he keep his hair looking so luxurious?

  • The Drop

    Movie Review | Ed Williamson | 13th November 2014

    Now look. You might have seen some pictures of Tom Hardy and a puppy. And yes, it's all very cute and everything, but I'd like it if we could just get past that and focus on what is after all a very atmospheric crime thriller that makes good use of AWWWW LOOK AT ITS WIDDLE FACE

  • Fast And Furious

    Movie Review | Kirsty | 23rd April 2009

    Fast And Furious is, confusingly, the fourth movie in the Fast And The Furious saga; a franchise ripe for sequels, bursting at the seams as it is with plotlines, enduring characters and witty, beautifully-written screenplays. Ahem. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker both return to their original roles, having popped in and out of the...

  • Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem

    Movie Review | Ali | 30th January 2008

    Although I'm ashamed to say I was drunk when I saw Aliens Versus Predator at the cinema (well at least I had fun), I've been assured that it isn't much more fun when sober. A clumsy cut-and-shut of two trusty franchises directed by a true cinematic hack, it took a great concept - pit two of the baddest alien motherfuckers in the...