William Fichtner

News, Reviews & Features

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Movie Review | Ali Gray | 12th October 2014

So I finally got old. Morning: doctor's appointment for dry skin. Afternoon: phone calls with estate agents and surveyors and mortgage advisors. Evening: still-aching limbs from a football match played 48 hours previously. I startle awake to find myself sat in a Paramount screening room ready to watch the latest iteration of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a phenomenon I was probably too old to enjoy guilt-free the first time round a quarter of a century ago. "Let's see those hands in the air!" says a company spokesperson, urging attendees to don the giant green foam hands provided for a photo opportunity. I am secretly glad I didn't pick any up on the way in. Because I am old as fuck.

Read full article »
Elysium

Movie Review | Neil | 9th August 2013

There is a point in Elysium when Matt Damon's character Max DeCosta suffers a massive dose of radiation in an accident in his workplace. At that moment the film looks like it could go one of two ways: either it's a lengthy commercial for a "no win, no fee" claims handler (don't do it Max, go to Citizens Advice), or it's a superhero origin story, and Damon is about to slip into some lycra and kill people with his granite-hard man boobs. You'll be unsurprised to read that Elysium is in fact neither, which is great for those of us who hate those ads, but less good for anyone who was hoping for MaxMan: Tits Of Thunder.

Read full article »
The Lone Ranger

Movie Review | Ali | 7th August 2013

Historically, the Western is a genre that requires patience. Typically, teenagers are not the most patient of people. Therefore, it stands to reason that Gore Verbinski must have been spectacularly drunk when he pitched The Lone Ranger: a 149-minute Western aimed at kids, smack bang in the middle of blockbuster season. That it flopped to the tune of $190 million is not a surprise; the fact that it is not nearly the disaster US critics heralded it as, however, is something of a welcome revelation.

Read full article »
Grrrrrr! Win Drive Angry on DVD

Movie Competition | Ali | 4th July 2011

It's out on DVD today, but if you're a horrible, poor hobo without a penny to your name, you can win one of three copies of Drive Angry on DVD. Maybe you can sell them for crack if you win!

Read full article »
Drive Angry 3D

Movie Review | Ali | 25th February 2011

Remember when I said the 101 reasons to love Nicolas Cage feature would be the last thing we did on Nicolas Cage this week? I lied.

Read full article »
Advertise with us!
Date Night

Movie Review | Ali | 25th April 2010

Date Night is one of those movies you really try to get behind and really wish you liked more, but ultimately have to admit it's just... not that great. The reasons for wanting to fly its flag are obvious: Steve Carell and Tina Fey are two of the funniest people on TV, and it's natural to want to see them succeed on the big screen.

Read full article »
Ultraviolet

Movie Review | Chris | 11th July 2006

Allow me start this review by saying right off the bat that Ultraviolet is already the frontrunner for one of the worst movies of the year. I should probably qualify that statement; I suspect there have probably worse movies released already this year, and there will probably be dozens of terrible movies released over the next ...

Read full article »

Support Us

We are now using Patreon to cover some of our hosting fees. So if you like our brand of "content" and would like to see us do more, please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on the link below. Thanks!