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10,000 B.C.

Movie Review | Ali | 12th March 2008

Roland Emmerich is not a man best known for subtlety. He is, to put it crudely, best known for fucking shit up. The so-called master of disaster, Emmerich's movies are so big, dumb and stupid, no one else can touch him - his name on a movie's poster still holds weight due to his stellar work on Independence Day, although his God...

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Rambo

Movie Review | Mark | 26th February 2008

Rambo is better than Rambo: First Blood Part II, and Rambo III. Which is kind of like saying being punched in the face until you black out is better than having your foot sawn off by a hedgetrimmer. Rambo is The Blacksploitation Flick of the Noughties. Twenty years after the monumentally stupid Rambo III (dedicated to the freedo...

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Ten Things We Demand From Indy IV

Movie Feature | Ali | 18th February 2008

Dear Steven Spielberg, First of all, thanks for taking the time to read this - we know you have a busy schedule of prepping Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull for its May release, plus we appreciate that snubbing international superpowers can really take it out of you. But we have concerns about you bringing b...

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Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem

Movie Review | Ali | 30th January 2008

Although I'm ashamed to say I was drunk when I saw Aliens Versus Predator at the cinema (well at least I had fun), I've been assured that it isn't much more fun when sober. A clumsy cut-and-shut of two trusty franchises directed by a true cinematic hack, it took a great concept - pit two of the baddest alien motherfuckers in the...

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I Am Legend

Movie Review | Andy | 31st December 2007

There are two Will Smiths in this world. One is an actor of surprising depth and ability; he makes films like Six Degrees Of Separation, Ali and The Pursuit of Happyness. The other is The Fresh Prince of Bel Air; he makes films like Bad Boys, Independence Day, Men in Black and any other number of wise-cracking action hero eyewip...

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The Golden Compass

Movie Review | Andy | 28th December 2007

You can see why this was made by New Line. It's 100ft tall with CGI signs all over it: "Hey, a fantasy trilogy based on popular books! Payday-tastic! Green light now!" Hell, they even put Saruman and Gandalf into the film for an ironclad Tolkien seal of approval. I mean, if those guys are in it, it must be as good as 'the other ...

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Planet Terror

Movie Review | Ali | 14th November 2007

Robert Rodriguez's half of the summer's biggest sensation finally hops into UK cinemas, left choking on the exhaust of Death Proof and hoping the dust of the Grindhouse debacle has well and truly settled. Still, if you're willing to overlook the 'two movies for the price of two' screwjob, then you'll have no doubt enjoyed Tarant...

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Shoot 'Em Up

Movie Review | Ali | 18th September 2007

A few years ago, I was speaking to a Manga-obsessed friend of mine about the state of action films. "I've got a billion cool ideas," he said confidently, going on to list several ludicrous action scenes with absolutely zero basis in reality, including - but not limited to - a gunfight while falling through the air and a gunfight...

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Death Proof

Movie Review | Ali | 11th August 2007

Quentin Tarantino is not the unstoppable force we once thought he was. There was a time when he could do no wrong - his new movies were eagerly anticipated like no others, his name attached to a project was a guaranteed seal of quality and every fevered word that flew out his mouth and past his gigantic chin was like a dagger in...

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Transformers

Movie Review | Ali | 23rd July 2007

So here we are: the year's biggest tentpole movie has arrived and the hype could not be any bigger or nerdier. Grown men have been reduced to gibbering, pre-pubescent wrecks, muttering about Autobots and Decepticons while their girlfriends can only look on in bemusement (males not lucky enough to have a partner have meanwhile be...

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