News, Reviews & Features
  • Suicide Squad, DC and the Warner Bros war against coherence

    Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 8th August 2016

    It should be abundantly clear now to anyone with even a passing interest in superhero movies that the concept of the "shared universe" should be feared. Credit to Marvel: they took a big risk, did their groundwork and built up their shared universe by releasing not one but four successful individual franchises, before bringing them together like a corporate executive doing an overbite and interlocking his fingers in the universal sign language for 'synergy'. Everyone else saw The Avengers' box-office success and thought, 'Yeah, we'll have a bit of that. But sod all that hard work!' And thus, the very blueprint for superhero movies was torn up, sellotaped back together and plonked on the desks of finance departments throughout Hollywood.

  • Behind the scenes pics of The Walk prove it does not walk the walk

    Movie Feature | Ali Gray | 20th February 2015

    Heading to cinemas in October of this year is The Walk, a dramatized version of Philippe Petit's death-defying wire walk between the Twin Towers, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Vanity Fair have just released behind the scenes photos that make you not want to watch it.

  • Confirmed: Joseph Mazzello to probably star in Jurassic World

    Movie News | Ali | 12th September 2013

    Four hours later and still no reply. I'm sure you'll agree, his silence speaks volumes (about how badly this website is run).

    Edit: Sam Neill has also cryptically joined in the media blackout surrounding rumours that he'll star in Jurassic World. Not a single peep from him. Or Jeff Goldblum. I'll keep you posted as to who else isn't saying they're not in it.

  • Writer of Lex Luthor casting rumour blows goats, says anonymous source

    Movie News | Ali | 28th August 2013

    While the writers of CosmicBookNews.com sit back and enjoy the web traffic they've created by publishing a fake story about Bryan Cranston being cast as Lex Luthor in the forthcoming sequel to Man Of Steel, it has been reported by an unverified, unreported source that the writer of the article sucks goat dick.

  • Incensed by Florence's Star Wars gig, The Machine land a crucial role

    Movie News | Ali | 3rd June 2013

    "Guys! Florence told me you guys were upset that she's been in talks for a role in Star Wars: Episode VII. As if we'd forget about The Machine! We've got the perfect parts for all of you..."

  • Proof that Seth MacFarlane's sexism is anything but harmless

    Movie Feature | Ali | 27th February 2013

    Nobody told me it was National Sexism Week. I would have bought a badge or something. First came Seth MacFarlane's boob-centric stint as Oscars host, then everyone piled in to insult a 21-year-old American actress walking down the street for not being as attractive as a comic-book character. I don't know about the rest of you fellas, but I'm feeling pretty ashamed about my own penis right now. Moreso than usual.

  • Lars Von Trier remaking Taxi Driver with Robert DeNiro on Planet Bullshit

    Movie News | Ali | 15th February 2010

    File this under 'Oh God I've got a story to write before 3pm and my internet isn't working and oh shit what's a good film I could pretend someone is remaking'. Unless it turns out to be true, in which case, my bad.