News, Reviews & Features
  • Crack the code for exciting Expendables 3 news

    Movie News | Matt | 6th November 2012

    Exciting, new viral marketing for a tired, old, virile franchise has begun. Can you decipher Sly Stallone's baffling code to reveal some top casting choices for Expendables 3?

  • The definitive list of ridiculous action hero character names

    Movie Feature | Ali | 17th August 2012

    If you've seen The Expendables' IMDB page lately, you'll have seen the amazing character names in all their glory, but these are just the latest in the long, fine tradition of giving action stars the most ridiculous monikers possible. With that in mind, we present to you the cream of the crap: the most ludicrously macho characters ever named.

  • The Expendables 2

    Movie Review | Ali | 14th August 2012

    The Expendables 2 isn't a movie that exists in our conventional universe. Sure, it stars men of flesh and blood, who live and breathe and bleed, but it is not set in reality. It's an extreme cinematic experience – a 'movie movie', the kind which characters in Quentin Tarantino films enjoy. It's just that little bit exaggerated – not always to an immediately noticeable degree, but it feels like it's constantly overclocked. The Expendables 2 is turbo-charged, hyper-violent, super-stupid and doesn't give a single, solitary shit.

  • Who looks most bored on the new poster for The Expendables 2?

    Movie Feature | Ali | 16th June 2012

    It's the most exciting action movie of the year, featuring an ambulance-full of action heroes, eager to show they can still cut it in the modern world. Why, then, do they all look so bloody miserable?

  • Exclusive pictures from The Expendables 2: PG-13 version

    Movie Feature | Ali | 20th January 2012

    As Sylvester Stallone reveals that Chuck Norris got his way and The Expendables 2 will be released as a PG-13 rated movie, we can exclusively reveal some leaked photos from the set of the movie. They weren't kidding: this one is aimed squarely at the teenage market.

  • Fuck you, Chuck Norris

    Movie News | Ali | 18th January 2012

    Rumour has it, Chuck Norris has only agreed to appear in The Expendables 2 if they removed all the bad language and made it PG-13. Hey Chuck: FUCK YOU you FUCKING CHUCKLEHEAD.

  • My balls just exploded

    Movie News | Ali | 19th November 2011

    Here's the first poster for Planet Hollywood: The Movie aka The Expendables 2. Warning: excess testosterone may cause spontaneous purchase of Nuts magazine.

  • 10 sensible suggestions for the cast of The Expendables 2

    Movie Feature | Ali | 9th August 2011

    Despite the ageing process, it looks like geriaction movie The Expendables 2 is moving forward slowly, infuriating younger movies by blocking their way like lumbering old men tend to do. Alleged new cast members John Travolta and Chuck Norris don't spread our mustard, so we came up with some better ideas and faxed them to Sylvester Stallone.

  • 11 worst movie lines of 2010

    Movie Feature | Ali | 27th December 2010

    You've already seen our list of guilty pleasures from 2010, and with awesomely bad movies comes awesomely bad dire-logue - the lines that drop out of character's mouths like turds out of bumholes. Enjoy!

  • The guiltiest pleasures of 2010

    Movie Feature | Ali | 22nd December 2010

    2010 has been a bumper year for movies that nestle somewhere between 'demented genius' and 'unparalleled garbage'. Here are our favourite guilty pleasures of the year: please don't judge us.