Best Expendables trailer ever


13th July 2010

Words can't express how much I wish this was the actual trailer.

There's little doubt that The Expendables will be one of the manliest movies ever made when it's released in August. It's so manly it could fuck another man and still be ten times manlier than the next guy. After I played the trailer below, I realised I'd been chewing tobacco the whole time. I don't even know where that stuff came from.

But there's more at stake than mere manliness. In the US, The Expendables is released on the same weekend as Eat, Pray, Love, a Julia Roberts romance about finding the truth and happiness that - spoiler alert - lies within you all along. If Sylvester Stallone doesn't break each and every one of Julia's teeth on his bicep, I'll chop off my left nut, paint it pink, hollow it out and make a decorative candle holder out of it.

This trailer visualises that exact emotion. It's time for real men to stand up, hand over their money and do what man has always done in times of crisis - watch other, strong, musclier men dick about with guns and motorbikes for a couple of hours. Son, if this trailer don't make you cry, I just giss you ain't a real Americurn, huh? (*spits*)

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