The Three Musketeers is certainly shaping up to be a film


29th June 2011

Look at this new trailer; it has human actors in it, special effects of some derivation, it even appears to have a script. Yes, Paul WS Anderson's The Three Musketeers will be a film all right.

As you might have already guessed, I don't have many nice things to say about the work of Paul WS Anderson (EVENT HORIZON ISN'T EVEN THAT GOOD), so I'm struggling to get too excited over this new trailer for The Three Musketeers. Just what Alexandre Dumas' classic tale needed - the little shit from Percy Jackson Americaning up 17th century Paris.

I'll admit, on paper, it sounds kind of passable. Orlando Bloom could be fun as a villain. Milla Jovovich might make for a pretty cool assassin. Christoph Waltz could possibly leave some scenery unchewed. Frankly, the odds don't look good, and if this new trailer thinks it can win me over with floating airships, swordfights and Juno Temple in a corset, then... well, I sort of forgot what I was talking about.

Also, I think we need a moratorium on people pointing sharp objects at the audience in 3D movies. What is this, 2008? Swords are long and pointy, we get it. Stop trying to stab my face off with your 3D jiggery-pokery, Anderson. The depressing thing is, you know he does the exact same thing in the 3D sex tape he's inevitably made with his wife.

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